tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64508596195297534892024-03-13T09:08:49.796-07:00On a Learning JourneyBalancing motherhood and a professional life. Sharing what I learn along the journey.Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.comBlogger96125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-11815346158569614442011-06-06T10:57:00.000-07:002011-06-06T10:57:16.959-07:00children leading our path<div align="center"><img height="370" id="il_fi" src="http://www.journeydeeper.org/blog/files/path0.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="249" /></div><div align="center"><br />
</div>Since Luca was born 4 years ago, his social life has been determined by my husband and I. He learned to play with our friends' children, learned to share at the park we chose, learned to sing and dance at the local library on the day that we could take him, learned to follow rules at the school we send him to. <br />
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But now Luca has been growing into his own wonderful self and he is developing friendships that go beyond playing in the same shared space, and are based on similar likes, shared fondness and compatibility of personality. My husband, Andre and I find ourselves now having playdates and attending events that are led by Luca's friendships. A mom and dad with whom we may not otherwise have developed a friendship, are now becoming our friends.<br />
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In years to come, I imagine this new phenomenom will expand beyond friendships and into activities that we do as a family, places we visit, and eventually where we end up living. After all, if our boys move away with their families, we may want to follow them where they go... and here I am once again <a href="http://onalearningjourney.blogspot.com/2011/02/30-years-wait.html">thinking about the future</a>, but I guess that's what children do: they renew our interest for what's to come. Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-48784324896314015602011-05-19T22:16:00.000-07:002011-05-19T22:16:19.299-07:00peaceful spring rolls<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7xzoML_BB1E/TdX4txHVomI/AAAAAAAAAsA/BeaSMVILb20/s1600/Spring+Rolls.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" j8="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7xzoML_BB1E/TdX4txHVomI/AAAAAAAAAsA/BeaSMVILb20/s320/Spring+Rolls.JPG" width="239" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">My last post was my <a href="http://onalearningjourney.blogspot.com/2011/05/harmony-chicken-recipie.html">harmony chicken recipie</a>, which comes in handy when <a href="http://onalearningjourney.blogspot.com/2011/04/on-being-better-mom-in-afternoon.html">transitioning from work to home</a> in the afternoons. I couldn't resist posting another recipie, however, since I very much enjoyed making these spring rolls with Andre last night.</div><br />
Ingredients:<br />
- Rice wraps<br />
- Cellophane noodles<br />
- Boston lettuce<br />
- Thickly sliced carrots and cucumbers<br />
- Grilled chicken strips<br />
- Mint and basil leaves leaves<br />
- Peanut sauce or hoisin sauce<br />
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Pour boiling water on cellophane noodles and soak for 15 minutes until soft. Submerge a rice wrap in a bowl of water and place on a piece of cloth. Fill the wrap with noodles, lettuce, chicken, carrots, cucumbers, mint and basil to taste. Roll the wrap like a burrito. Serve chilled with peanut or hoisin sauce on the side. <br />
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Andre's chubby little hands were able to manage it all, except for the wrapping part where he got a lot of help from mom. We had a nice meal together and the noodles provided some slurping fun for the boys.Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-51431683108575411712011-05-05T06:31:00.000-07:002013-01-17T15:04:17.632-08:00harmony chicken recipie<div align="center">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><img alt="Indiana Modern Pot-Roasted Chicken_1.jpg" src="webkit-fake-url://937D2C19-DCEE-4E65-B834-1AA35DB7B87B/Indiana%20Modern%20Pot-Roasted%20Chicken_1.jpg" /></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"></span>You may recall a few days ago I was pondering the question of <a href="http://onalearningjourney.blogspot.com/2011/04/on-being-better-mom-in-afternoon.html">how to make the daily transition</a> from work to home a little smoother. I've been experimenting a little and the most successful strategy was to engage my boys into a little cooking. Enter my sister's roasted chicken recipie, which I will call "Harmony Chicken" from now on. It's simple enough that they can help, and it has veggies, which they ate afterwards!</div>
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<strong>Main ingredients:</strong><br />
- 1 whole chicken<br />
- 1 bunch of fresh thyme<br />
- 1 lemon<br />
- 2 sweet potatoes<br />
- 2 tomatoes<br />
- 4 carrots<br />
- 1 white onion<br />
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<strong>Instructions:</strong><br />
- Heat the oven to 450 degrees<br />
- Coat the chicken with olive oil, a little lemon juice, salt, pepper and a little thyme<br />
- Put the bunch of thyme inside the chicken<br />
- Place the chicken on a roasting pan along with the cut veggies<br />
- Roast chicken for 1 hour<br />
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The hour's wait for the chicken to roast arrived with a set of calmer toddlers. We enjoyed a little play time together and set the table, then sat down and had a nice meal as a family. It was lovely.Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-90011474189444077542011-05-01T06:00:00.000-07:002011-05-01T06:00:10.499-07:00life unplugged<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KbHwfiymayo/Tbm0wrr5feI/AAAAAAAAAr8/o_G1AS2qg0I/s1600/P1040591.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" j8="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KbHwfiymayo/Tbm0wrr5feI/AAAAAAAAAr8/o_G1AS2qg0I/s320/P1040591.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
We spent last week in a tiny hotel on the beach in Baja California. The weather was lovely, the water clear, and the food delicious.<br />
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Now that they boys are a little more autonomous, Alain and I were able to watch them while we sat and relaxed under the sun and they enjoyed the sand and the water. There was no internet or TV, no electricity after 11:00 p.m., and no town to go out and explore. We thus went to bed a 9:00 p.m and woke up at 7:00 a.m.<br />
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The steady regime of fresh fish, 10 hours of sleep per night, and nothing to think about but perhaps how to prop my legs up so they'd get just the right tan was <a href="http://onalearningjourney.blogspot.com/2011/03/are-you-tired-mom.html">exactly what I needed</a>. It was also nice for the boys to experience a different type of life where they eat whatever was caught that day and entertainment is derived from exploration of their surroundings and physical activity. <br />
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We were happy to return to the comforts of our home sweet home, but we could probably benefit from a life that is more unplugged.Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-7589122850486426812011-04-26T16:12:00.000-07:002011-04-26T16:12:15.181-07:00on being a better mom... in the afternoon<div align="center"><img height="378" id="il_fi" src="http://cltampa.com/imager/soccer-mom-confidential-im-a-swinger/b/original/2123195/59ef/ist2_952915-soccer-mom-spike1.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="251" /></div>After a full day of work, I climb into my car and drive home. I wearily exit the car and experience my favorite moment of the day: two lovely smiling boys running up to hug me and excitedly saying "mami!!!." <br />
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Immediately afterwards comes my least favorite part of the day. I am not sure if it's crazy hour, or that toddlers can tell when a mommy is tired, but these boys turn into little screaming machines. They both want attention and they want it immediately. So I find myself still in heels and a suit, playing soccer inside the living room with one child and also trying to prevent the other one from throwing a picture frame down the stairs. Both, discontinuing indoor soccer and preventing the dangerous picture frame throw, result in more screaming... Oh, and did I mention that the nanny thinks it is the best moment to tell me all about how many times they pooped and what color it was? Picture this scenario in many variations every week day after work.<br />
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About an hour later, things start to settle a little. By then, I am absolutely exhausted and my fuse is rather short. I am wondering about what I can do upon entry into my home that will lead to a more harmonious transition. It would greatly benefit all of us to do things differently. Perhaps some kind of quiet routine.<br />
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<strong>Any ideas? I'll share what I come up with.</strong>Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-70424906348851893182011-04-15T06:45:00.000-07:002011-04-15T06:45:01.611-07:00on being a better mom... in the morning<div align="center"><img height="199" id="il_fi" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNH0MSacXn2FLrZXEshQhaNQ0QE_roXDSbnc-RT5HvISX62H4_Oivi-kp14GuAUGICxcu2XZOhudwgiQ2gv058IS0zb15qIOCDKfutQjPJUwlRgmGnwHl6rXERn8WVVkVh5FkZrRkyEwk/s1600/baby-feet-walking-300x199.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="300" /></div><div align="center"><br />
</div>On being a better mom, there is a lot to think about and get accomplished. After all, no matter how good a mom I am trying to be, my precious little wonders deserve my best. There's always room for improvement!<br />
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I will be posting about little ways in which I can be a better mom and encourage you to share your ideas. Today at exactly 5:47 a.m., I was inspired with the first challenge when I heard little footsteps in the hallway. When my boys wake up at an impossible hour, greet them with a smile, cuddle and play quietly with them. After all, it's not like they wake up early to purposefuly cut my rest short. And who knows how long two boys will want to climb in bed with my husband and I every morning?<br />
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This morning, in spite of having slept very little and having quite a few serious issues whirling in my head, I greeted Andre with a smile. He climbed in bed, and was his most cute and adorable self until I got up to make breakfast for all four of us.Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-20754694612706827802011-04-11T15:01:00.000-07:002011-04-11T15:04:23.709-07:00i don't want my children to be color blind<div align="center"><img height="323" id="il_fi" src="http://www.cristyli.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/Kids-Playing-Together.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="407" /></div><div align="center"><br />
</div>Sometimes I think about the <a href="http://onalearningjourney.blogspot.com/2010/07/enormous-responsibility.html">very big responsibility</a> that I have on my shoulders to raise children who are kind, honest, moral and caring. One of the things that I would like to teach them about is that the differences between people are to be celebrated and respected. I want to help them not to be racist, sexist, classist and all the other "ists" in spite of what they may be exposed to outside the home. <br />
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Children are not color blind. They see differences. What's unique about children is that they tend to see differences neutrally. Adults, on the other hand, tend to judge those differences and to purposefully and unconsiously teach children to do the same. Perhaps it's as simple as locking the car door as we enter a certain part of town. Or it's talking in singsong voice to women and in a more direct way to men. Or assuming that a child who does not look like her mother<a href="http://www.mommypants.com/mommypants-moment-mango/"> is adopted</a>. <br />
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But what about well meaning parents who do not want their children to judge others? Parents that tell their children that everyone is the same? The truth is that everyone is not the same. There are distinct differences between cultures, genders, and groups of people in general. If we apply the golden rule of "treat others as you would like to be treated" then we can commit blunders and even offend others. I would challenge all of us as parents to teach our children to learn about others, their cultures, their preferences, and to apply the <a href="http://onalearningjourney.blogspot.com/2010/07/platinum-rule.html">"platinum rule"</a> of "treat others as they would want to be treated."<br />
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There is no shame in being different, no ill intent in recognizing that we are different from one another. The real work is in figuring out that <em>my way</em> of doing things is not <em>the way</em>, but just <em>one of many</em> ways of living life. My children do not have to completely understand or agree with other ways of living life. I just hope they are open and inclusive of different perspectives.Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-74938496199086862892011-04-01T02:00:00.000-07:002011-04-01T02:00:02.184-07:00happy anniversary, on a learning journey!This blog started 1 year ago today. Not knowing what I was really looking for, but feeling that it was the right step to take, I created an account and published <a href="http://onalearningjourney.blogspot.com/2010/04/greetings.html">my first post</a>! <br />
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My inspiration came by chance. I was thinking about some home improvements and decorations I wanted to undertake and looking for ideas online. I came across Nicole Balch's <a href="http://makingitlovely.com/">Making It Lovely</a> and I fell in love with her blog. A thorough look into her blog roll and many evenings spent visiting blogs written by women on a variety of topics slowly led me to want to write my own. So I did.<br />
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This year of blogging has been so rewarding. I found some favorite blogs that I visit regularly, like <a href="http://pancakesandfrenchfries.com/">Pancakes & Frenchfries</a>, <a href="http://www.confessionsofadrmom.com/">Confessions of a Dr. Mom</a>, <a href="http://www.mommypants.com/">Mommypants</a>, and <a href="http://www.academichic.com/">AcademiChic</a>. They keep me informed/entertained/fashionable/connected. I also found a lovely community of bloggers and their comments bring companionship, understanding and friendship. <br />
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On A Learning Journey was recently <a href="http://www.thesitsgirls.com/?s=on+a+learning+journey">featured by SITS</a>, a community that supports women bloggers. It was such a positive and validating experience!<br />
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While I still feel like a newbie to blogging, I also feel like I've been blogging forever. I am thankful to all the fellow bloggers and readers who have visited, read, commented and shared, and I look forward to what this second year has to bring!Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-37016694139883119152011-03-17T14:46:00.000-07:002011-03-17T14:46:41.877-07:0010 signs you are a working mom<div align="center"><img height="362" id="il_fi" src="http://adminsecret.monster.com/nfs/adminsecret/attachment_images/0000/1064/WorkingMom.jpg?1212527627" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="349" /></div><br />
I don't always let my clients know that I am a mom of two lovely boys. Sometimes it just doesn't come up in conversation, but it almost always comes out somehow. Here are 10 signs that give away the secret:<br />
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1. Open up my leather-bound note pad to take notes during a meeting and find that ALL the pages on the notebook contain a doodle, scratch or letter in purple crayon<br />
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2. Offer to drive us to lunch and the person who sits in the backseat can't get out... I forgot to undo the child lock<br />
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3. Searching in my purse for the business card holder and, as I pull it out, a red convertible '67 Mustang HotWheels falls out on the floor<br />
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4. Holding an action planning meeting, and someone kindly points out that I have something on my face. The "something" is goopy oatmeal from Andre's kiss goodbye this morning.<br />
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5. Fire-up my laptop to show a PPT presentation and everyone present gets to hear Go, Diego, Go!'s "The Great Roadrunner Race" game song.<br />
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6. Walking away to pick up a document from the printer, I glance back and notice the back of my shouder smeared with boogers<br />
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7. At five o'clock I leave the office as if it were on fire, unable to stay even a minute longer than planned, so I can relieve the nanny from her shift<br />
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8. Upon arrival at the office, I check email and find that three clients have replied to emails sent from my smart phone saying things like "bbbbbooodidiidiiiiuu uuuuuuuhfudhudhdu" and "pppppoooopopopopooooopppo"<br />
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9. Pull out my ipad from its cover and it has hundreds of tiny finger smudges, smelling a lot like peanut butter (I hope)<br />
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10. Come home from work, kick off my shoes, change into jeans, and get some hugs, kisses and attention from the loveliest little men in the worldLiciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-55066126628802804762011-03-10T14:57:00.000-08:002011-03-10T15:03:38.329-08:00why are mothers undervalued at work?<div align="center"><img height="402" id="il_fi" src="http://th04.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2010/180/5/7/Glass_Ceiling_by_DragonHeart_05.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="301" /></div><br />
There's been some (or a lot) of controversy about Katy Read's recent <a href="http://hereandnow.wbur.org/2011/03/10/stay-home-mom">essay</a> about the negative financial impact of becoming a stay-at-home mom. Early in her career, Katy was a successful journalist, married to an equally paid journalist. Two children, many years of free-lance work, and a divorce later, she finds herself unable to find employment and in a dire financial situation. While her husband's salary has increased significantly and he will enjoy retirement and health benefits, she is unable to find work that pays much less than the one she initially had. As a free-lance journalist, she ,of course, does not have healthcare or retirement benefits.<br />
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While some who read Katy's essay find it controversial that she implies that "opting out" of the workplace to become a stay-at-home mom is a bad idea, what I find discouraging is what led her to that conclusion. She points out that mothers get paid less than equally qualified non-mothers. They also get fewer opportunities in the workplace, slowly falling behind men and non-mothers within their companies. It's discouraging that we as a nation don't allow flexibility and room for mothers to simultaneously be mothers and excell at work. After all, the endless stress and less-than-exciting assignments that came along when Katy became a mom where big contributors to her decision to stop working full time. It's also discouraging that, once a mother is ready to return to the workplace, she is likely to find herself at a large disadvantage. This is applicable even if she has stayed active and current in her field.<br />
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Why is it that mothers who decide to take a hiatus from the workplace encounter such obstacles? If anything, being a mother has developed their multi-tasking skills, tripled their capacity for carrying a tough workload, and increased their patience by 100 times!<br />
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<strong>Are you a mom trying to get back into the workplace? What have been your experiences?</strong>Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-84296811589387056382011-03-02T16:00:00.000-08:002011-03-02T16:00:43.600-08:00are you a tired mom?<div style="text-align: center;"><img height="397" id="il_fi" src="http://www.thefertilitydoc.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/vitaminD.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="396" /></div><br />
I've been soooo tired lately. Really tired. To the point where I complain about being tired during most of my awake time. I know it's normal for a working mom to be tired but this is just ridiculious! I've been explaining away the tiredness because, well, what can I do about being tired?<br />
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I finally gave in and made an appointment at the doctor's office. She came in nonchalantly and fired off questions that were just like the ones I've been asking myself, and thinking that the answers to some of them were the culprit for my new state of exhaustion:<br />
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- "Do you <a href="http://onalearningjourney.blogspot.com/2010/10/alarm-clock.html">sleep enough</a>?"<br />
- "Do you <a href="http://onalearningjourney.blogspot.com/2011/01/second-shift.html">work full time</a>?"<br />
- "How old are your children?" "Oh. Do you ever rest?"<br />
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After reassuring the doctor that I've been at this pace for a while, and explaining that this is something new, she asked "are you depressed or anxious?" And my negative response led her to order some blood tests (4 vials worth) and a pregnancy test just in case (which, to my relief, was very negative although I immediately imagined myself with another baby in my arms...). <br />
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The result? A simple vitamin D deficiency. I'm definitely eating enough vitamin D-rich food, so it's probably due to lack of exposure to the sun. I'm taking 1000 cu's of vitamin D3 per day. It's only been a week and I feel the same.<br />
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While I am tough and push myself, ignoring the exhaustion did not work to my advantage this time. Vitamin D deficiency can lead to other health problems like osteoporosis.<br />
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<strong>Has anyone experienced this before?</strong>Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-34055813108684582342011-02-24T13:33:00.000-08:002011-02-24T13:33:21.893-08:00preparing for a long trip<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/bqC6MaCx1J8?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
I've been planning some upcoming trips with the family and looking forward to it. We love to <a href="http://onalearningjourney.blogspot.com/2010/06/travelling-with-children.html">travel with our children</a> and one part of making it enjoyable is to prepare for long plane or car rides. This year I will be taking my iPad along, full of child-friendly apps, movies and saved YouTube links.<br />
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Here are some YouTube channels I came across and loved instantly:<br />
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/casparbabypants">Caspar Baby Pants</a> - our favorite is Itsy Bitsy Spider<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/SesameStreet">Sesame Street</a> - I love the Jason Mraz guest appearance<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/SockeyeMedia?feature=chclk">Mother Goose Club</a> - these appear on PBS stations as well<br />
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<strong>Which YouTube channels do you view with your children?</strong>Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-54023965824820013122011-02-17T20:41:00.000-08:002011-02-21T10:09:30.435-08:00welcome SITS!<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://thesitsgirls.com/"><img alt="" height="320" src="http://i515.photobucket.com/albums/t357/sitsgirls/SS_150x150_button.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Today is an exciting day, as my blog is being featured by the <a href="http://www.thesitsgirls.com/?s=on+a+learning+journey">SITS Girls</a>, an online community of women bloggers led by four talented women. If you are visiting from SITS, welcome! If you are a regular reader, thank you for stopping by and joining me on such a special day.<br />
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On a Learning Journey started as a way for me to process my experiences trying to balance a professional life with motherhood. I often post about things that I enjoy, struggle with and wonder about. Blogging has led me to find other bloggers and I have not only learned from them, but also found an endless source of support. <br />
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Thank you for visiting. I hope that you will find something that interests you, entertains you or helps you. If you would like to do some browsing but don't know where to start, here are some of my favorite posts:<br />
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<a href="http://onalearningjourney.blogspot.com/2010/09/thank-heaven-for-sahms.html">Thank Heaven for Stay at Home Moms</a><br />
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<a href="http://onalearningjourney.blogspot.com/2010/07/lesson-in-joy.html">A Lesson in Joy</a><br />
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<a href="http://onalearningjourney.blogspot.com/2010/06/small-price-to-pay-for-girls-night-out.html">A Small Price to Pay for a Girl's Night Out</a>Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com78tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-14174623303006929102011-02-15T16:02:00.000-08:002011-02-15T16:02:25.301-08:00should i keep it a secret?<div align="center"><img height="212" id="il_fi" src="http://gorgeousthings.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/shhhh2.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /></div><div align="center"><br />
</div>Sometimes when a friend becomes a mom, I struggle with how much I should tell her about the difficulties of being a mom. We sit through endless conversations with fellow moms where each tells a funny anecdote, a cute story, or a warming thought. The positive side of motherhood is clear and in the open. <br />
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When it comes to the challenges of being a mom, some things are acceptable to talk about: lack of sleep, lack of time, feeding schedules, exploding diapers, projectile vomiting. But what about the feelings that arise, such as feeling inadecuate, guilt over wanting some space, dissapointment when our body does not look like Heidi Klum's after she gave birth. <br />
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While I don't think it would be a good idea to overwhelm a new mom with a long narration of negative or challenging feelings, I think it may help her to know that she is not alone and that others struggle with some of the things she may be going through.<br />
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<strong>What do you share with new moms?</strong>Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-84875184441605885732011-02-07T11:19:00.000-08:002011-02-07T11:19:38.751-08:0030 years' wait<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_w6qQ9_OvrNY/TVBFaLz7vPI/AAAAAAAAAro/J1KKc44uzrs/s1600/Untitled.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" h5="true" height="230" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_w6qQ9_OvrNY/TVBFaLz7vPI/AAAAAAAAAro/J1KKc44uzrs/s320/Untitled.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Photo: Courtesy of LifeOgraphy</span></div><div align="center"></div>Andre is now 22 months old. He is putting 2-word phrases togehter, learning to throw tantrums, and using smiles and kisses to get what he wants (this morning it was mac and cheese for breakfast). The joy of seeing a tiny baby growing and learning to be a little person who makes choices, expresses ideas, and explores with curiosity is enormous. Yet, that joy is often accompanied by a little sadness, or maybe it's more nostalgia than anything else. <br />
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I am sure I do not want another child, and that certainty makes is certain that I will never have a tiny baby cradled in my arms, learning to smile, attempting to crawl. Having Luca and Andre as babies has been such a joy and, although toddlerhood and childhood will bring their own wonderful experiences, I cannot help but be sad about what I will never experience again. Only a short 3 years ago, I had never had a baby, and now I can't imagine my life childless. I know they will soon grow into tweens and teens, and they'll definitely not let me cradle them in my arms then! But I'm sure those years will bring their own joys and, before I know it, I'll be a grandma and the cycle of life continues.Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-10698926141838858242011-01-26T15:46:00.000-08:002011-01-26T15:46:30.064-08:00motherhood kaizen<div align="center"><img alt="Kaizen" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-100" height="568" src="http://hasanyorukoglu.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/kaizen2.gif" title="Kaizen" width="322" /></div>I work closely with a client who abides by the Kaizen philosphy, a Japanese principle of continuous improvement. The benefits of this philosophy are clear. They consistently meet and exceed performance standards, continuously improving their processes, products and services.<br />
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I've been applying the concept of kaizen to my ever-present responsibility for balancing motherhood and a professional life. Some of those strategies include staying connected with other working moms and sharing best practices, collaborating with my husband and educating myself about parenting strategies, motherhood and self-realization.<br />
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I also realize that kaizen has its potential downfalls. As some might say, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." And when it comes to work and motherhood, maybe it is OK to maintain the status quo sometimes. Yes. Things could be better/cleaner/speedier/easier, but it's also good to relax and enjoy a little. <br />
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Let the dust bunnies multiply under my couch while I sit down with my children and write a book!Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-83213256087199688462011-01-19T15:42:00.000-08:002011-01-19T15:42:22.587-08:00the third shift<div align="center"><img height="300" id="il_fi" src="http://familydads.com/blog/uploaded/pics/holding_hands.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="600" /></div><br />
I was thinking about my post on the <a href="http://onalearningjourney.blogspot.com/2011/01/second-shift.html">second shift</a>, which refers to the childcare and housechore responsibilities that working moms hold, and started to think about where parenting and marriage fit.<br />
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After all, even if I pulled a 40-hour shift at the office, my house is spotless and my children are perfectly groomed and fed, I still have parenting to do and a relationship to keep alive. In the midst of all that work, we pause to read a book, talk out a learning point, monitor and model social behavior, share a laugh and just spend quality time with our children. Yes, some things can be done simultaneously, but it really is tough to get in a nice cuddle when I'm wiping grime off the doors or brushing the downstairs toilet! <br />
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Children are at a key point in their lives. If we miss those moments, they are gone forever. It's easy to focus on them and leave the relationship for later. Later sometimes is literally too late, as in I haven't slept in ages and I'm not really up for chatting right now. Maybe just hold hands while we mindlessly watch TV? Funny how it all seems to work itself out anyway. A date night here and there, a miraculous synchronized nap by both kids that leaves an unexpected window of time to have a quiet lunch with adult conversation. <br />
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<strong>How do you keep your relationship healthy?</strong>Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-27031992743980059432011-01-13T10:57:00.000-08:002011-01-18T13:56:54.441-08:00the second shift<div align="center"><img src="http://theteachick.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/super-mom.jpg" /></div><div align="center"><br />
</div>There was a time a few years back when I was holding my full-time corporate job while simultaneously completing my doctoral dissertation and planning my wedding. I was so proud of myself for finding a way to exercise, see friends, spend time with my future husband and overall lead a balanced life in spite of the workload. Now I look back and it seems like it was a piece of cake! I'm still working full time, but I'm not planning a wedding or doing dissertation corrections. I am a working mom.<br />
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Sociologist Arlie Hochschild coined the term "second shift" to refer to the household work and childcare work that mothers who work outside of the home for income routinely do. The second shift, she finds, is there even for moms whose husbands are actively involved and cooperative. The second shift is full of subtle responsibilities that, when considered alone, may not seem important. When considered as a whole, however, they can be quite a challenge. Some of those responsibilities can be things like being responsible for the children's grooming, such as clipping nails and trimming hair, and managing their ever-revolving clothing, such as buying what they need, mending what is torn, putting away the too-small, and storing what will fit a younger sibling in a while. It can be about being the one who buys present's for other kids' birthdays, or being responsible for planning meals, or keeping track of cleaning supplies or toilettries and buying them as they run out. It can be about researching summer camps, after-school programs, pediatricians or babysitters. It can be about opening and paying household bills and managing the household budget. It can be about being the one who manages the appearance of the home, including touch ups, clean up, replacing worn down items.<br />
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My second shift is probably ligher than that of many other working moms, as my husband is an involved dad. I'm sure he could write a post about the dad's version of the second shift. I often admire at our human capacity to adapt, especially when change is gradual, and still thrive. <br />
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<strong>What are your experiences with the second shift?</strong>Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-75721817922198335032011-01-10T23:13:00.000-08:002011-01-13T10:28:26.444-08:00talking things out<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_w6qQ9_OvrNY/TSwC86oW2uI/AAAAAAAAArY/PcKs770C1kE/s1600/DSC_3269.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" n4="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_w6qQ9_OvrNY/TSwC86oW2uI/AAAAAAAAArY/PcKs770C1kE/s320/DSC_3269.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Today, I picked up Luca from school during the lunch break. We were ready to sign him out and I asked him to wait our turn and, seemingly out of nowhere, he sat down on the floor and started bawling. <br />
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After a brief attempt to calm him down, ask him about what was wrong, and trying to soothe him, all without success, I announced to him that mommy wasn't going to respond to him until he calmed down and was ready to talk nicely.<br />
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The 15 minute drive from the school to our house seemed like an hour. He cried and complained the entire ride home. I turned up the radio and literally tuned him out. Not one word came out of my mouth. It was my way of letting him know that it was not OK to be like this with mommy.<br />
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Afterwards, I called my husband on the way back to the office and he told me about a show he'd just listened to. Researcher and child development specialist Betty Hart talks about <a href="http://www.npr.org/2011/01/10/132740565/closing-the-achievement-gap-with-baby-talk">her years-long study</a>. Talking to children, especially before the age of 4, has an invaluable impact on their verbal skills and emotional development. Other studies show that verbal skills and emotional development are linked to later success in life... <br />
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I sat there back at the office feeling the pangs of mother's guilt. It's not like I didn't know better, or like I've never read those studies. I left my task list intact for the remainder of the afternoon and sat there thinking "I should have talked it out with him. Not engaged in the conflict, just talked him down, talked through the crying. Even if he didn't stop, he would have absorbed what I was saying. Maybe next time it would help him cry less...." I did pull myself together and saw things with perspective after a little bit. After all, most of my time with Luca is spent talking with him. <br />
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I got home after the office and found his feelings were a little hurt. We talked about it and made up. And then we talked some more about his day, and ended the evening ready a book in bed. It was lovely.Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-64015935695821091612011-01-05T04:45:00.000-08:002011-01-05T10:11:50.214-08:00climbing the ladder with small children<div style="text-align: center;"><img height="415" src="http://workitmom.com/bloggers/workitmom/files/2008/12/climbing-career-ladder.jpg" width="277" /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>My workday starts at 9:00 a.m., a carefully chosen time that allows me to drop Luca off at school and make it to the office on time. Meanwhile, Alain stays at home with Andre until the nanny arrives and he can go to work. Arriving at the office earlier than 9:00 a.m., even just 15 minutes earlier, requires some tactical troop rearranging which either incoveniences my husband (he'd have to drop off Luca with Andre in tow and drive back home to drop off Andre with the nanny) or the nanny (who already has a 1-hour drive in traffic and gets to deal with even slower traffic if she leaves her house earlier).<br />
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East Coast clients are my nightmare. They are lovely people. Really. Who can blame them for wanting to hold a call at 9:00 a.m., or expect a response from me before noon? But they are my nightmare. I like to dot i's and cross t's. I am responsive and on top of things. East Coast clients might have something else to say about me.<br />
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Perhaps I should move to the East Coast.Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-45618348181976056982011-01-03T11:43:00.000-08:002011-01-03T11:43:06.971-08:00welcome 2011<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_w6qQ9_OvrNY/TSImvN0sAWI/AAAAAAAAArU/2EIblQS1i5w/s1600/My+HipstaPrint+0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_w6qQ9_OvrNY/TSImvN0sAWI/AAAAAAAAArU/2EIblQS1i5w/s320/My+HipstaPrint+0.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>I was looking at our Christmas tree and stockings and feeling a little sad that Christmas time is now over. All the presents have been opened and there is nothing left under the tree or in those stockings. All I have to do now is wait 3 more days and take it all down.<br />
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But I got to thinking that 2011 is a year full of possibility and, in a sense, it is just like that Christmas tree. Now it's up to me to fill up the stockings and the space under the tree with presents. The year is full of possibilities, big and small, and I am already planning ahead. <br />
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I usually come up with New Year's resolutions under categories, so I better get busy doing so. Some of the categories I plan to address this year are personal development (maybe blog-related goals?), professional development, learning, travel, parenting, and home improvement. <br />
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<strong>Do you have categories for developing your resolutions?</strong>Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-30529370489159106492010-12-28T17:04:00.000-08:002010-12-28T17:04:41.476-08:00respecting feelings<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_w6qQ9_OvrNY/TRqJHnM0VII/AAAAAAAAArQ/UcsrZlgkJh0/s1600/no.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_w6qQ9_OvrNY/TRqJHnM0VII/AAAAAAAAArQ/UcsrZlgkJh0/s320/no.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Andre is now 20 months old and he has been learning a new word every couple of days. The latest addition to his vocabulary appeared on Sunday when he was playing with a new toy and Luca tried to play with it also. He hovered over the toy and said the cutest "no" I have ever heard. <br />
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Since it is a new word, he is using it often. This morning when I asked for a kiss goodbye before I headed to the office he said "no" and walked away. I respected his wishes and just waved goodbye and smiled from a distance. <br />
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Interestingly, he's refused to kiss me many times before and I've usually just hugged him and kissed him anyway. After all, I'm about to leave him for at least 8 hours and I don't want to do so without kissing his chubby cheeks. But this time the word "no" added some meaning to it. Now that he has command of the word, he's using it to assert himself and it makes the statement more powerful, leading me to be more respectful of his wishes. I realized I should have been respecting them all along even if they were not expressed in words. I would have apologized for not doing so before but realized he probably would not understand. I'm wondering where else I've made that mistake with him and Luca. <br />
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<strong>Has this ever happenned to you?</strong> Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-19271966341036457662010-12-26T22:03:00.000-08:002010-12-26T22:04:21.439-08:00my favorite christmas presentAmidst all the lovely presents, thoughtful emails, loving calls and cozy gatherings, my favorite Christmas present came. It was a picture taken by my talented sister-in-law.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_w6qQ9_OvrNY/TRgrokUGEsI/AAAAAAAAArM/hnR1EM0daPw/s1600/DSC_3128.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" n4="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_w6qQ9_OvrNY/TRgrokUGEsI/AAAAAAAAArM/hnR1EM0daPw/s320/DSC_3128.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.dilanattas.com/">Photo by Dilanatta's Photography</a></span></div>Need I say more?<br />
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<strong>This post was prompted by </strong><a href="http://www.thesitsgirls.com/2010/12/holiday-hangover"><strong>SITS</strong></a><strong>.</strong><br />
<div align="center"></div>Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-10794273193348952762010-12-23T14:46:00.000-08:002010-12-23T14:46:36.988-08:00christmas giving<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_w6qQ9_OvrNY/TRPQ8DrqxYI/AAAAAAAAArE/nG8Mkn8zNbk/s1600/P1030895.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_w6qQ9_OvrNY/TRPQ8DrqxYI/AAAAAAAAArE/nG8Mkn8zNbk/s320/P1030895.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>When I became a mother, I developed a renewed appreciationg for Christmas and the holiday season. I remember the excitement of Christmas when I was a child. We decorated the Christmas tree, had big family dinners and enjoyed opening a few presents. A few times, Santa Claus made a special appearance during dinner and gave the presents to us personally! Now that my children are aware of the holiday season and understand who Santa Claus is, I get to live the excitement through them and find joy in doing things with them like baking cookies, wraping presents and decorating the tree. <br />
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The holiday season also makes me more aware of my responsibility to teach them lessons about appreciating what they have, understanding the value of giving, and finding joy in sharing time with friends and family. I was just listening to NPR and caught the tailend of a program where a psychologist talked about how children who get a lot of presents for Christmas and in general tend to be less satisfied and less happy. The reason behind it is that they see having everything as the status quo. They expect to have everything, and don't appreciate the effort behind it. <br />
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Now that my children are toddlers, my husband and I easily implement the giving guidelines. We give them modests gifts, focus on didactic toys and activities, and apply the rule of "one in-one out" (if they get a new toy, an old one goes to charity). I do wonder, however, what challenges we will face as they grow older and start to compare what they have to what other children have, on their own or because their friends point it out. <br />
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The messages we give everyday about appreciating what we have, the importance of being a good person, the focus on substantial character rather than material qualities in others and in themselves will have to be strong and consistent. A child who feels entitled is just a brat, but an adult who grew up feeling that way is usually unhappy and unkind. Their feelings of worth are connected to what they have and, interestingly, the can never have enough. I want my children to be kind, empathetic and happy. Now I just have to figure out how to best help them grow up to be that way.Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6450859619529753489.post-37384938681619750442010-11-23T15:47:00.000-08:002010-11-23T15:47:51.433-08:00grocery shopping with children<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_w6qQ9_OvrNY/TOxSkEjubBI/AAAAAAAAAq8/pji8QDOl1bk/s1600/Costco.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" ox="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_w6qQ9_OvrNY/TOxSkEjubBI/AAAAAAAAAq8/pji8QDOl1bk/s320/Costco.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>I usually go grocery shopping at night when the boys have gone to bed. It is the only time when I can go alone. The advantage to going to the supermarket in the evening is that I am usually there with just 2 or 3 other shoppers. Mostly moms like me, or college students going on an emergency rum, chips and m&ms trip.<br />
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I was feeling adventurous last week and decided to go with Luca and Andre. Actually, Alain was on his guys-night-out and my fridge was empty. So it all started out well enough, and the boys behaved pretty well. The trip ended rather stressfully, however. The cart almost toppled over with the boys inside, we left some smushed cheese on the floor by the cash register, and there were 2 very impatient customers in line behind me at the self-checkout who did not think that Luca and Andre scanning the groceries was cute. I forgot a few things and also crashed into a cart because I was distracted. I am not sure that I was looked kindly upon by anyone.<br />
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So I left the grocery store wondering how to feel about the experience. After all, Luca and Andre learned about where their milk comes from (milk jugs at the grocery store, of course!), practiced weighing produce and scanning items, made friends with another boy who was accompanying his mom, and overall had a wonderful time which ended with some Hot Wheels cars as rewards for good behavior. So do I leave feeling good about the great experience that my children just had, or bad about the overall disruptive state of our presence at the store. <br />
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<strong>How do you view situations like these?</strong>Liciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13385912698644556939noreply@blogger.com0