On a Learning Journey

children leading our path

2011-06-06T10:57:00.000-07:00

Since Luca was born 4 years ago, his social life has been determined by my husband and I. He learned to play with our friends' children, learned to share at the park we chose, learned to sing and dance at the local library on the day that we could take him, learned to follow rules at the school we send him to.

But now Luca has been growing into his own wonderful self and he is developing friendships that go beyond playing in the same shared space, and are based on similar likes, shared fondness and compatibility of personality. My husband, Andre and I find ourselves now having playdates and attending events that are led by Luca's friendships. A mom and dad with whom we may not otherwise have developed a friendship, are now becoming our friends.

In years to come, I imagine this new phenomenom will expand beyond friendships and into activities that we do as a family, places we visit, and eventually where we end up living. After all, if our boys move away with their families, we may want to follow them where they go... and here I am once again thinking about the future, but I guess that's what children do: they renew our interest for what's to come.

peaceful spring rolls

2011-05-19T22:16:00.000-07:00

My last post was my harmony chicken recipie, which comes in handy when transitioning from work to home in the afternoons. I couldn't resist posting another recipie, however, since I very much enjoyed making these spring rolls with Andre last night.

Ingredients:
- Rice wraps
- Cellophane noodles
- Boston lettuce
- Thickly sliced carrots and cucumbers
- Grilled chicken strips
- Mint and basil leaves leaves
- Peanut sauce or hoisin sauce

Pour boiling water on cellophane noodles and soak for 15 minutes until soft. Submerge a rice wrap in a bowl of water and place on a piece of cloth. Fill the wrap with noodles, lettuce, chicken, carrots, cucumbers, mint and basil to taste. Roll the wrap like a burrito. Serve chilled with peanut or hoisin sauce on the side.

Andre's chubby little hands were able to manage it all, except for the wrapping part where he got a lot of help from mom. We had a nice meal together and the noodles provided some slurping fun for the boys.

harmony chicken recipie

2011-05-05T06:31:00.000-07:00

You may recall a few days ago I was pondering the question of how to make the daily transition from work to home a little smoother. I've been experimenting a little and the most successful strategy was to engage my boys into a little cooking. Enter my sister's roasted chicken recipie, which I will call "Harmony Chicken" from now on. It's simple enough that they can help, and it has veggies, which they ate afterwards!

Main ingredients:
- 1 whole chicken
- 1 bunch of fresh thyme
- 1 lemon
- 2 sweet potatoes
- 2 tomatoes
- 4 carrots
- 1 white onion

Instructions:
- Heat the oven to 450 degrees
- Coat the chicken with olive oil, a little lemon juice, salt, pepper and a little thyme
- Put the bunch of thyme inside the chicken
- Place the chicken on a roasting pan along with the cut veggies
- Roast chicken for 1 hour

The hour's wait for the chicken to roast arrived with a set of calmer toddlers. We enjoyed a little play time together and set the table, then sat down and had a nice meal as a family. It was lovely.

life unplugged

2011-05-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

We spent last week in a tiny hotel on the beach in Baja California. The weather was lovely, the water clear, and the food delicious.

Now that they boys are a little more autonomous, Alain and I were able to watch them while we sat and relaxed under the sun and they enjoyed the sand and the water. There was no internet or TV, no electricity after 11:00 p.m., and no town to go out and explore. We thus went to bed a 9:00 p.m and woke up at 7:00 a.m.

The steady regime of fresh fish, 10 hours of sleep per night, and nothing to think about but perhaps how to prop my legs up so they'd get just the right tan was exactly what I needed. It was also nice for the boys to experience a different type of life where they eat whatever was caught that day and entertainment is derived from exploration of their surroundings and physical activity.

We were happy to return to the comforts of our home sweet home, but we could probably benefit from a life that is more unplugged.

on being a better mom... in the afternoon

2011-04-26T16:12:00.000-07:00

After a full day of work, I climb into my car and drive home. I wearily exit the car and experience my favorite moment of the day: two lovely smiling boys running up to hug me and excitedly saying "mami!!!."

Immediately afterwards comes my least favorite part of the day. I am not sure if it's crazy hour, or that toddlers can tell when a mommy is tired, but these boys turn into little screaming machines. They both want attention and they want it immediately. So I find myself still in heels and a suit, playing soccer inside the living room with one child and also trying to prevent the other one from throwing a picture frame down the stairs. Both, discontinuing indoor soccer and preventing the dangerous picture frame throw, result in more screaming... Oh, and did I mention that the nanny thinks it is the best moment to tell me all about how many times they pooped and what color it was? Picture this scenario in many variations every week day after work.

About an hour later, things start to settle a little. By then, I am absolutely exhausted and my fuse is rather short. I am wondering about what I can do upon entry into my home that will lead to a more harmonious transition. It would greatly benefit all of us to do things differently. Perhaps some kind of quiet routine.

Any ideas? I'll share what I come up with.

on being a better mom... in the morning

2011-04-15T06:45:00.000-07:00

On being a better mom, there is a lot to think about and get accomplished. After all, no matter how good a mom I am trying to be, my precious little wonders deserve my best. There's always room for improvement!

I will be posting about little ways in which I can be a better mom and encourage you to share your ideas. Today at exactly 5:47 a.m., I was inspired with the first challenge when I heard little footsteps in the hallway. When my boys wake up at an impossible hour, greet them with a smile, cuddle and play quietly with them. After all, it's not like they wake up early to purposefuly cut my rest short. And who knows how long two boys will want to climb in bed with my husband and I every morning?

This morning, in spite of having slept very little and having quite a few serious issues whirling in my head, I greeted Andre with a smile. He climbed in bed, and was his most cute and adorable self until I got up to make breakfast for all four of us.

i don't want my children to be color blind

2011-04-11T15:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think about the very big responsibility that I have on my shoulders to raise children who are kind, honest, moral and caring. One of the things that I would like to teach them about is that the differences between people are to be celebrated and respected. I want to help them not to be racist, sexist, classist and all the other "ists" in spite of what they may be exposed to outside the home.

Children are not color blind. They see differences. What's unique about children is that they tend to see differences neutrally. Adults, on the other hand, tend to judge those differences and to purposefully and unconsiously teach children to do the same. Perhaps it's as simple as locking the car door as we enter a certain part of town. Or it's talking in singsong voice to women and in a more direct way to men. Or assuming that a child who does not look like her mother is adopted.

But what about well meaning parents who do not want their children to judge others? Parents that tell their children that everyone is the same? The truth is that everyone is not the same. There are distinct differences between cultures, genders, and groups of people in general. If we apply the golden rule of "treat others as you would like to be treated" then we can commit blunders and even offend others. I would challenge all of us as parents to teach our children to learn about others, their cultures, their preferences, and to apply the "platinum rule" of "treat others as they would want to be treated."

There is no shame in being different, no ill intent in recognizing that we are different from one another. The real work is in figuring out that my way of doing things is not the way, but just one of many ways of living life. My children do not have to completely understand or agree with other ways of living life. I just hope they are open and inclusive of different perspectives.

happy anniversary, on a learning journey!

2011-04-01T02:00:00.000-07:00

This blog started 1 year ago today. Not knowing what I was really looking for, but feeling that it was the right step to take, I created an account and published my first post!

My inspiration came by chance. I was thinking about some home improvements and decorations I wanted to undertake and looking for ideas online. I came across Nicole Balch's Making It Lovely and I fell in love with her blog. A thorough look into her blog roll and many evenings spent visiting blogs written by women on a variety of topics slowly led me to want to write my own. So I did.

This year of blogging has been so rewarding. I found some favorite blogs that I visit regularly, like Pancakes & Frenchfries, Confessions of a Dr. Mom, Mommypants, and AcademiChic. They keep me informed/entertained/fashionable/connected. I also found a lovely community of bloggers and their comments bring companionship, understanding and friendship.

On A Learning Journey was recently featured by SITS, a community that supports women bloggers. It was such a positive and validating experience!

While I still feel like a newbie to blogging, I also feel like I've been blogging forever. I am thankful to all the fellow bloggers and readers who have visited, read, commented and shared, and I look forward to what this second year has to bring!

10 signs you are a working mom

2011-03-17T14:46:00.000-07:00

I don't always let my clients know that I am a mom of two lovely boys. Sometimes it just doesn't come up in conversation, but it almost always comes out somehow. Here are 10 signs that give away the secret:

1. Open up my leather-bound note pad to take notes during a meeting and find that ALL the pages on the notebook contain a doodle, scratch or letter in purple crayon

2. Offer to drive us to lunch and the person who sits in the backseat can't get out... I forgot to undo the child lock

3. Searching in my purse for the business card holder and, as I pull it out, a red convertible '67 Mustang HotWheels falls out on the floor

4. Holding an action planning meeting, and someone kindly points out that I have something on my face. The "something" is goopy oatmeal from Andre's kiss goodbye this morning.

5. Fire-up my laptop to show a PPT presentation and everyone present gets to hear Go, Diego, Go!'s "The Great Roadrunner Race" game song.

6. Walking away to pick up a document from the printer, I glance back and notice the back of my shouder smeared with boogers

7. At five o'clock I leave the office as if it were on fire, unable to stay even a minute longer than planned, so I can relieve the nanny from her shift

8. Upon arrival at the office, I check email and find that three clients have replied to emails sent from my smart phone saying things like "bbbbbooodidiidiiiiuu uuuuuuuhfudhudhdu" and "pppppoooopopopopooooopppo"

9. Pull out my ipad from its cover and it has hundreds of tiny finger smudges, smelling a lot like peanut butter (I hope)

10. Come home from work, kick off my shoes, change into jeans, and get some hugs, kisses and attention from the loveliest little men in the world

why are mothers undervalued at work?

2011-03-10T14:57:00.000-08:00

There's been some (or a lot) of controversy about Katy Read's recent essay about the negative financial impact of becoming a stay-at-home mom. Early in her career, Katy was a successful journalist, married to an equally paid journalist. Two children, many years of free-lance work, and a divorce later, she finds herself unable to find employment and in a dire financial situation. While her husband's salary has increased significantly and he will enjoy retirement and health benefits, she is unable to find work that pays much less than the one she initially had. As a free-lance journalist, she ,of course, does not have healthcare or retirement benefits.

While some who read Katy's essay find it controversial that she implies that "opting out" of the workplace to become a stay-at-home mom is a bad idea, what I find discouraging is what led her to that conclusion. She points out that mothers get paid less than equally qualified non-mothers. They also get fewer opportunities in the workplace, slowly falling behind men and non-mothers within their companies. It's discouraging that we as a nation don't allow flexibility and room for mothers to simultaneously be mothers and excell at work. After all, the endless stress and less-than-exciting assignments that came along when Katy became a mom where big contributors to her decision to stop working full time. It's also discouraging that, once a mother is ready to return to the workplace, she is likely to find herself at a large disadvantage. This is applicable even if she has stayed active and current in her field.

Why is it that mothers who decide to take a hiatus from the workplace encounter such obstacles? If anything, being a mother has developed their multi-tasking skills, tripled their capacity for carrying a tough workload, and increased their patience by 100 times!

Are you a mom trying to get back into the workplace? What have been your experiences?

are you a tired mom?

2011-03-02T16:00:00.000-08:00

I've been soooo tired lately. Really tired. To the point where I complain about being tired during most of my awake time. I know it's normal for a working mom to be tired but this is just ridiculious! I've been explaining away the tiredness because, well, what can I do about being tired?

I finally gave in and made an appointment at the doctor's office. She came in nonchalantly and fired off questions that were just like the ones I've been asking myself, and thinking that the answers to some of them were the culprit for my new state of exhaustion:

- "Do you sleep enough?"
- "Do you work full time?"
- "How old are your children?" "Oh. Do you ever rest?"

After reassuring the doctor that I've been at this pace for a while, and explaining that this is something new, she asked "are you depressed or anxious?" And my negative response led her to order some blood tests (4 vials worth) and a pregnancy test just in case (which, to my relief, was very negative although I immediately imagined myself with another baby in my arms...).

The result? A simple vitamin D deficiency. I'm definitely eating enough vitamin D-rich food, so it's probably due to lack of exposure to the sun. I'm taking 1000 cu's of vitamin D3 per day. It's only been a week and I feel the same.

While I am tough and push myself, ignoring the exhaustion did not work to my advantage this time. Vitamin D deficiency can lead to other health problems like osteoporosis.

Has anyone experienced this before?

preparing for a long trip

2011-02-24T13:33:00.000-08:00

I've been planning some upcoming trips with the family and looking forward to it. We love to travel with our children and one part of making it enjoyable is to prepare for long plane or car rides. This year I will be taking my iPad along, full of child-friendly apps, movies and saved YouTube links.

Here are some YouTube channels I came across and loved instantly:

Caspar Baby Pants - our favorite is Itsy Bitsy Spider
Sesame Street - I love the Jason Mraz guest appearance
Mother Goose Club - these appear on PBS stations as well

Which YouTube channels do you view with your children?

welcome SITS!

2011-02-17T20:41:00.000-08:00

Today is an exciting day, as my blog is being featured by the SITS Girls, an online community of women bloggers led by four talented women. If you are visiting from SITS, welcome! If you are a regular reader, thank you for stopping by and joining me on such a special day.

On a Learning Journey started as a way for me to process my experiences trying to balance a professional life with motherhood. I often post about things that I enjoy, struggle with and wonder about. Blogging has led me to find other bloggers and I have not only learned from them, but also found an endless source of support.

Thank you for visiting. I hope that you will find something that interests you, entertains you or helps you. If you would like to do some browsing but don't know where to start, here are some of my favorite posts:

   Thank Heaven for Stay at Home Moms

   A Lesson in Joy

   A Small Price to Pay for a Girl's Night Out

should i keep it a secret?

2011-02-15T16:02:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when a friend becomes a mom, I struggle with how much I should tell her about the difficulties of being a mom. We sit through endless conversations with fellow moms where each tells a funny anecdote, a cute story, or a warming thought. The positive side of motherhood is clear and in the open.

When it comes to the challenges of being a mom, some things are acceptable to talk about: lack of sleep, lack of time, feeding schedules, exploding diapers, projectile vomiting. But what about the feelings that arise, such as feeling inadecuate, guilt over wanting some space, dissapointment when our body does not look like Heidi Klum's after she gave birth.

While I don't think it would be a good idea to overwhelm a new mom with a long narration of negative or challenging feelings, I think it may help her to know that she is not alone and that others struggle with some of the things she may be going through.

What do you share with new moms?

30 years' wait

2011-02-07T11:19:00.000-08:00

Photo: Courtesy of LifeOgraphy

Andre is now 22 months old. He is putting 2-word phrases togehter, learning to throw tantrums, and using smiles and kisses to get what he wants (this morning it was mac and cheese for breakfast). The joy of seeing a tiny baby growing and learning to be a little person who makes choices, expresses ideas, and explores with curiosity is enormous. Yet, that joy is often accompanied by a little sadness, or maybe it's more nostalgia than anything else.

I am sure I do not want another child, and that certainty makes is certain that I will never have a tiny baby cradled in my arms, learning to smile, attempting to crawl. Having Luca and Andre as babies has been such a joy and, although toddlerhood and childhood will bring their own wonderful experiences, I cannot help but be sad about what I will never experience again. Only a short 3 years ago, I had never had a baby, and now I can't imagine my life childless. I know they will soon grow into tweens and teens, and they'll definitely not let me cradle them in my arms then! But I'm sure those years will bring their own joys and, before I know it, I'll be a grandma and the cycle of life continues.

motherhood kaizen

2011-01-26T15:46:00.000-08:00

I work closely with a client who abides by the Kaizen philosphy, a Japanese principle of continuous improvement. The benefits of this philosophy are clear. They consistently meet and exceed performance standards, continuously improving their processes, products and services.

I've been applying the concept of kaizen to my ever-present responsibility for balancing motherhood and a professional life. Some of those strategies include staying connected with other working moms and sharing best practices, collaborating with my husband and educating myself about parenting strategies, motherhood and self-realization.

I also realize that kaizen has its potential downfalls. As some might say, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." And when it comes to work and motherhood, maybe it is OK to maintain the status quo sometimes. Yes. Things could be better/cleaner/speedier/easier, but it's also good to relax and enjoy a little.

Let the dust bunnies multiply under my couch while I sit down with my children and write a book!

the third shift

2011-01-19T15:42:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about my post on the second shift, which refers to the childcare and housechore responsibilities that working moms hold, and started to think about where parenting and marriage fit.

After all, even if I pulled a 40-hour shift at the office, my house is spotless and my children are perfectly groomed and fed, I still have parenting to do and a relationship to keep alive. In the midst of all that work, we pause to read a book, talk out a learning point, monitor and model social behavior, share a laugh and just spend quality time with our children. Yes, some things can be done simultaneously, but it really is tough to get in a nice cuddle when I'm wiping grime off the doors or brushing the downstairs toilet!

Children are at a key point in their lives. If we miss those moments, they are gone forever. It's easy to focus on them and leave the relationship for later. Later sometimes is literally too late, as in I haven't slept in ages and I'm not really up for chatting right now. Maybe just hold hands while we mindlessly watch TV? Funny how it all seems to work itself out anyway. A date night here and there, a miraculous synchronized nap by both kids that leaves an unexpected window of time to have a quiet lunch with adult conversation.

How do you keep your relationship healthy?

the second shift

2011-01-13T10:57:00.000-08:00

There was a time a few years back when I was holding my full-time corporate job while simultaneously completing my doctoral dissertation and planning my wedding. I was so proud of myself for finding a way to exercise, see friends, spend time with my future husband and overall lead a balanced life in spite of the workload. Now I look back and it seems like it was a piece of cake! I'm still working full time, but I'm not planning a wedding or doing dissertation corrections. I am a working mom.

Sociologist Arlie Hochschild coined the term "second shift" to refer to the household work and childcare work that mothers who work outside of the home for income routinely do. The second shift, she finds, is there even for moms whose husbands are actively involved and cooperative. The second shift is full of subtle responsibilities that, when considered alone, may not seem important. When considered as a whole, however, they can be quite a challenge. Some of those responsibilities can be things like being responsible for the children's grooming, such as clipping nails and trimming hair, and managing their ever-revolving clothing, such as buying what they need, mending what is torn, putting away the too-small, and storing what will fit a younger sibling in a while. It can be about being the one who buys present's for other kids' birthdays, or being responsible for planning meals, or keeping track of cleaning supplies or toilettries and buying them as they run out. It can be about researching summer camps, after-school programs, pediatricians or babysitters. It can be about opening and paying household bills and managing the household budget. It can be about being the one who manages the appearance of the home, including touch ups, clean up, replacing worn down items.

My second shift is probably ligher than that of many other working moms, as my husband is an involved dad. I'm sure he could write a post about the dad's version of the second shift. I often admire at our human capacity to adapt, especially when change is gradual, and still thrive.

What are your experiences with the second shift?

talking things out

2011-01-10T23:13:00.000-08:00

Today, I picked up Luca from school during the lunch break. We were ready to sign him out and I asked him to wait our turn and, seemingly out of nowhere, he sat down on the floor and started bawling.

After a brief attempt to calm him down, ask him about what was wrong, and trying to soothe him, all without success, I announced to him that mommy wasn't going to respond to him until he calmed down and was ready to talk nicely.

The 15 minute drive from the school to our house seemed like an hour. He cried and complained the entire ride home. I turned up the radio and literally tuned him out. Not one word came out of my mouth. It was my way of letting him know that it was not OK to be like this with mommy.

Afterwards, I called my husband on the way back to the office and he told me about a show he'd just listened to. Researcher and child development specialist Betty Hart talks about her years-long study. Talking to children, especially before the age of 4, has an invaluable impact on their verbal skills and emotional development. Other studies show that verbal skills and emotional development are linked to later success in life...

I sat there back at the office feeling the pangs of mother's guilt. It's not like I didn't know better, or like I've never read those studies. I left my task list intact for the remainder of the afternoon and sat there thinking "I should have talked it out with him. Not engaged in the conflict, just talked him down, talked through the crying. Even if he didn't stop, he would have absorbed what I was saying. Maybe next time it would help him cry less...." I did pull myself together and saw things with perspective after a little bit. After all, most of my time with Luca is spent talking with him.

I got home after the office and found his feelings were a little hurt. We talked about it and made up. And then we talked some more about his day, and ended the evening ready a book in bed. It was lovely.

climbing the ladder with small children

2011-01-05T04:45:00.000-08:00

My workday starts at 9:00 a.m., a carefully chosen time that allows me to drop Luca off at school and make it to the office on time. Meanwhile, Alain stays at home with Andre until the nanny arrives and he can go to work. Arriving at the office earlier than 9:00 a.m., even just 15 minutes earlier, requires some tactical troop rearranging which either incoveniences my husband (he'd have to drop off Luca with Andre in tow and drive back home to drop off Andre with the nanny) or the nanny (who already has a 1-hour drive in traffic and gets to deal with even slower traffic if she leaves her house earlier).

East Coast clients are my nightmare. They are lovely people. Really. Who can blame them for wanting to hold a call at 9:00 a.m., or expect a response from me before noon? But they are my nightmare. I like to dot i's and cross t's. I am responsive and on top of things. East Coast clients might have something else to say about me.

Perhaps I should move to the East Coast.

welcome 2011

2011-01-03T11:43:00.000-08:00

I was looking at our Christmas tree and stockings and feeling a little sad that Christmas time is now over. All the presents have been opened and there is nothing left under the tree or in those stockings. All I have to do now is wait 3 more days and take it all down.

But I got to thinking that 2011 is a year full of possibility and, in a sense, it is just like that Christmas tree. Now it's up to me to fill up the stockings and the space under the tree with presents. The year is full of possibilities, big and small, and I am already planning ahead.

I usually come up with New Year's resolutions under categories, so I better get busy doing so. Some of the categories I plan to address this year are personal development (maybe blog-related goals?), professional development, learning, travel, parenting, and home improvement.

Do you have categories for developing your resolutions?

respecting feelings

2010-12-28T17:04:00.000-08:00

Andre is now 20 months old and he has been learning a new word every couple of days. The latest addition to his vocabulary appeared on Sunday when he was playing with a new toy and Luca tried to play with it also. He hovered over the toy and said the cutest "no" I have ever heard.

Since it is a new word, he is using it often. This morning when I asked for a kiss goodbye before I headed to the office he said "no" and walked away. I respected his wishes and just waved goodbye and smiled from a distance.

Interestingly, he's refused to kiss me many times before and I've usually just hugged him and kissed him anyway. After all, I'm about to leave him for at least 8 hours and I don't want to do so without kissing his chubby cheeks. But this time the word "no" added some meaning to it. Now that he has command of the word, he's using it to assert himself and it makes the statement more powerful, leading me to be more respectful of his wishes. I realized I should have been respecting them all along even if they were not expressed in words. I would have apologized for not doing so before but realized he probably would not understand. I'm wondering where else I've made that mistake with him and Luca.

Has this ever happenned to you?

my favorite christmas present

2010-12-26T22:03:00.000-08:00

Amidst all the lovely presents, thoughtful emails, loving calls and cozy gatherings, my favorite Christmas present came. It was a picture taken by my talented sister-in-law.

Photo by Dilanatta's Photography

Need I say more?

This post was prompted by SITS.

christmas giving

2010-12-23T14:46:00.000-08:00

When I became a mother, I developed a renewed appreciationg for Christmas and the holiday season. I remember the excitement of Christmas when I was a child. We decorated the Christmas tree, had big family dinners and enjoyed opening a few presents. A few times, Santa Claus made a special appearance during dinner and gave the presents to us personally! Now that my children are aware of the holiday season and understand who Santa Claus is, I get to live the excitement through them and find joy in doing things with them like baking cookies, wraping presents and decorating the tree.

The holiday season also makes me more aware of my responsibility to teach them lessons about appreciating what they have, understanding the value of giving, and finding joy in sharing time with friends and family. I was just listening to NPR and caught the tailend of a program where a psychologist talked about how children who get a lot of presents for Christmas and in general tend to be less satisfied and less happy. The reason behind it is that they see having everything as the status quo. They expect to have everything, and don't appreciate the effort behind it.

Now that my children are toddlers, my husband and I easily implement the giving guidelines. We give them modests gifts, focus on didactic toys and activities, and apply the rule of "one in-one out" (if they get a new toy, an old one goes to charity). I do wonder, however, what challenges we will face as they grow older and start to compare what they have to what other children have, on their own or because their friends point it out.

The messages we give everyday about appreciating what we have, the importance of being a good person, the focus on substantial character rather than material qualities in others and in themselves will have to be strong and consistent. A child who feels entitled is just a brat, but an adult who grew up feeling that way is usually unhappy and unkind. Their feelings of worth are connected to what they have and, interestingly, the can never have enough. I want my children to be kind, empathetic and happy. Now I just have to figure out how to best help them grow up to be that way.

grocery shopping with children

2010-11-23T15:47:00.000-08:00

I usually go grocery shopping at night when the boys have gone to bed. It is the only time when I can go alone. The advantage to going to the supermarket in the evening is that I am usually there with just 2 or 3 other shoppers. Mostly moms like me, or college students going on an emergency rum, chips and m&ms trip.

I was feeling adventurous last week and decided to go with Luca and Andre. Actually, Alain was on his guys-night-out and my fridge was empty. So it all started out well enough, and the boys behaved pretty well. The trip ended rather stressfully, however. The cart almost toppled over with the boys inside, we left some smushed cheese on the floor by the cash register, and there were 2 very impatient customers in line behind me at the self-checkout who did not think that Luca and Andre scanning the groceries was cute. I forgot a few things and also crashed into a cart because I was distracted. I am not sure that I was looked kindly upon by anyone.

So I left the grocery store wondering how to feel about the experience. After all, Luca and Andre learned about where their milk comes from (milk jugs at the grocery store, of course!), practiced weighing produce and scanning items, made friends with another boy who was accompanying his mom, and overall had a wonderful time which ended with some Hot Wheels cars as rewards for good behavior. So do I leave feeling good about the great experience that my children just had, or bad about the overall disruptive state of our presence at the store.

How do you view situations like these?

my neatness haven

2010-11-12T14:12:00.000-08:00

A recent move to a new office space had an unexpected benefit for me. I had the opportunity to pick out the furniture and arrange it as I wanted. After I finished the process, I was surprised by the joy that sitting in my new office now brings to me.

Part of the enjoyment is just from being in a new space with new furniture that I like. But another part is much deeper and it came to me when I got home after working my first day in the new space. It is my space and no one else's, and I can keep it as neat, organized and clean as I want. No surprise spills, or toys on the floor, or Cheerios between the cushions, or hand prints on the window.

My home now reflects my life with two boys and a husband and all their glorious messiness. It reflects life, love and happiness. I sured missed having my own space, however, and I think this new office just may be what did it.

Now let me think about how to justify placing a nap-worthy chaise in that empty corner by the sunny window and I'll be complete.

my favorite child

2010-11-05T06:56:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel guilty when I have a "favorite child moment." It's not that I generally prefer one of my children over the other. It's more about the moment and the situation.

For example, Andre was my favorite child at Halloween. He looked adorable in his elephant costume, babbling "ma" to ask for candy and "gnagna" to thank the giver. He even blew kisses as he left each house with a big smile on his face.

Luca was my favorite child at bedtime yesterday. I read him a book and tucked him in, then lay beside him for a few minutes as usual. He searched for and held my hand, then whispered "adios Mami" when I left.

When I was pregnant with Andre, I wondered how it would be possible for me to love him as much as I already loved Luca. Although intellectually I knew it was possible, I didn't feel it was possible. Now that I know and feel that love for my children has no bounds, I do feel a guilty moment when I prefer one child over another. What I've come to learn, however, is that the preference is only temporary and eventually balances out. Andre threw a tantrum after trick or treating, and Luca emerged from the bedroom after our sweet good night ritual announcing he wanted to watch "Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakel."

the sacrifices we make...

2010-11-03T04:45:00.000-07:00

I care so much about my children's health that I have eaten all the chocolate they gathered during trick or treating on Halloween night. Imagine what all that chocolate would do to their little bellies. Oh, the sacrifices we make for our little ones.

Pardon my short post today. I must go save my children once again by protecting them from the Skittles.

what kind of dads will they be?

2010-11-01T06:32:00.000-07:00

Alain and I were in the middle of creating Halloween pumpkins with Luca and Andre a few days ago when my father-in-law called. Alain told him what we were doing and he responded "I never really did those kinds of things with you when you were children."

Alain's dad was and is a good dad, but Alain is another kind of dad. He changes, feeds, cares for and cuddles them like any mommy would. From generation to generation, dads are becoming more involved in parenting. I wonder what kind of dads Luca and Andre will be.

too fast

2010-10-29T06:32:00.000-07:00

We attended Luca's pre-school Halloween celebration last Friday. Andre came along and played in the pre-school playground with the other children, listened to song time, and sat down with Luca during snack time.

He was at ease and engaged, comfortable with the setting. When he starts pre-school next September, he'll be ready.

I'm not ready.

a simple high

2010-10-27T05:43:00.000-07:00

Last week, Alain and I had a parent/teacher meeting at school. We sat down in the tiny pre-school chairs to speak with the teacher and I was a little aprehensive. Last year we were called to the school because Luca was hitting and pushing other children, and earlier this year we were called to school because he was being unruly.

But the teacher sat down in the tiny chair in front of us and said "I'm very happy with Luca. He's focused, he's learning, he's objeying rules. He's a bright boy." As his parents, we know this about Luca. But we also know that his endless energy, curiosity and stubborness have to be channelled positively for those qualities to shine. I felt a combination of maternal pride, accomplishment and gratitude. Maternal pride that my child is doing well in school. Accomplishment because Alain and I have certainly done a lot to help him do better. Gratitude because his teacher is a very good one.

For the past few days I've been on a high because Luca is doing well in pre-school. I wonder what I will feel like when he graduates from high school, or gets his first job.

aha

2010-10-25T20:28:00.000-07:00

I am away on a 3-day business trip. While I'm enjoying the peace and quiet that allows me to sit and write on my beloved blog after a two-week hiatus, I am also missing my family.

I woke up early this morning and missed their footepts, the smell of their hair, the chubby cheeks and the good-morning kisses. During the lunch break I wondered if they went to the park, and if they wondered where mommy was all day. During dinner I talked about them to my colleague who, fortunately, is the mother of triplets and shared her own stories of her children. And now I am sitting in my hotel room. It's their bed time and I'm wishing I was there to read them a story and tuck them in bed.

During the past few months, I've started to reach a balance that I was not feeling before. I am more centered. More at ease with being a mom. More patient and more in touch with who I am as a woman, professional and mother.

When I started this blog, I didn't really know what it was I wanted to accomplish. I just knew I needed to put what I was going through in words. I think I know now.

the alarm clock

2010-10-11T06:34:00.000-07:00

Photoraphy by Tande, Dilanatta's Photography

Our alarm clock is the most reliable we have had in our lives. Every day, whether light or dark outside, whether cold or warm, whether it's Tuesday or Saturday, whether we went to bed at 10:00 p.m.or at 2:00 a.m., our alarm clock wakes us at 5:50 a.m.

Although inconvenient at times, and downright nightmarish at other times, the alarm clock gets away with its shenanigans because it sports an adorable messy head of blonde locks and shinning blue eyes to highlight his smile.

If only our monthly bills were that lovable. Then I'd pay them with pleasure.

what will my children think of me?

2010-09-28T11:01:00.000-07:00

I was watching "Our Family Wedding" last night (cute and funny enough for a night in with your hubby) and one of its scenes shows the mom accidentally overhearing her two daughters talking about her. They are saying they don't want to be like their mom, spending their whole day at home taking care of kids, living their life to serve others, and getting limited romantic attention from her husband.

The daughters' conversation comes from their desire to stay independent and live a fulfilling life. Their mom is hurt when she overhears this, not because she is offended by her daughter's words, but because the words ring true.

What she does next is admirable, even if it's just a romantic movie. Instead of confronting her daughters and acting out defensively, she goes home and talks to her husband. She wants some of the romance back and she's ready to do something about it. At first he's surprised, but then he supports the shift.

Taking care of ourselves as mothers and wives is not selfish. It is about setting an example for our children. I do not have daughters, so I don't wonder if they'll one day want to avoid being like me. But I do have sons and I do wonder if they'll one day say "I don't to marry anyone like mom!" There is a life beyond motherhood that can be hard to grasp when we are tired and overextended, but it is worth the extra effort. After all, what happens after our beautiful birds leave the nest?

How do you take care of yourself?

intent vs impact

2010-09-24T08:30:00.000-07:00

This morning, as I got dressed so I could take Luca to pre-school and go to the office, my kind husband cleared the table, rinsed the dishes and loaded the dishwasher. He fed Andre his breakfast and dressed Luca.

I came downstairs and the first words out of my mouth were "did you brush his teeth and put sunscreen on?" He had not. The only reason I asked was so I could do it if he had not. However, no matter what my intent was, I think the impact was different. He probably felt like he was getting dinged for not doing those two things because his reply was "I was washing the dishes and feeding Andre."

With no time left for conversation, I gave him a kiss, told him I loved him and rushed out.

Being in a hurry is no excuse. It's the little, unintended, daily actions that can build a relationship stronger or slowly deteriorate it.

Do you ever find yourself re-thinking your approach to an interaction with your partner?

childcare cure for the common cold

2010-09-18T06:43:00.000-07:00

I love late September when the weather starts to cool and I pull out the sweaters and light jackets from storage and hang them in my closet. Along with the new wardrobe, come tall non-fat lattes with a chocolate covered graham cracker, independent movie releases, the theater, and be beginning of school.
What I had not anticipated last year and, once again, surprised me this year, is how prolific viruses seem to be in the world of little children. Luca has been back in school for a week and he already has a cold with a cough that he has shared with his brother. I'm not sure how this happened because he is not usually inclined to share anything else with him.

Still running the household with compromised child care arrangements, I wonder how we will manage when Luca has to stay home. I wish there was an alternative child care or school of sorts that would specialize in caring for mildly sick children. I understand the school's policies on asking that a child stay home if he has the sniffles or a little cough, but the impact that has on us is tremendous.

What do you do when your child has to stay home due to illness? Do you and your husband take turns? Do you have an alternative arrangement?

the comforts of home

2010-09-12T13:50:00.000-07:00

We just returned from a week-long vacation in Oaxaca (it was lovely!) Being away and experiencing new things, places, foods and people is exhilarating and relaxing for Alain and I, but I had not thought about how it could cause some anxiety for the boys.

I was discussing this with a friend yesterday and I understand the anxiety. After all, they don't really know why we are no longer sleeping in our own house and whether we are ever coming back. They may wonder why the food they like is not available and the shows they watch on TV are not on.

We had a wonderful time. Luca and Andre had fun, played, and enjoyed having mom and dad to themselves for a week. But I also saw their joy when we came back so the past couple of days we've been doing "their" things. Yesterday we went to Sea World and hung out with Elmo and Grover. We watched Alvin and the Chipmunks for the gazillionth time, and we ate pizza and waffles with peanut butter. They are settled in and content now, just in time for Luca's first day of school tomorrow.

How do you help your children cope with the changes that vacations bring along?

enjoying silence

2010-09-07T06:23:00.000-07:00

My parents recently had the boys overnight. While I wish I could say that we took advantage of the opportunity and called friends or had an amazing date night, we just stayed home and read and watched TV.

The next morning, Alain made cappuccinos and we had breakfast in bed. We chatted, read some more. I took a long shower and even filed my nails. Alain went for a run.

In other words, we did "us" as we were before we had children. Instead of going crazy, we enjoyed a little peace and quiet. Simple, but oh so enjoyable. I sometimes say I get a rest by going to work. I work hard when I'm in the office, but I also enjoy time to myself in my office when I can just think and concentrate. That silence gives me a chance to breathe, rejuvenate, and get my head on straight.

Is there anything you miss from the time when you didn't have little ones yet?

thank heaven for SAHMs

2010-09-05T05:54:00.000-07:00

A guest appearance at Luca's classroom for Valentine's day.

School is starting and so is school life.

The classroom is filled with little children and the activities begin. There are special days, like Halloween, Valentine's, Mardi Gras and April Fool's for which there are lively events involving food, and themed crafts. There are rehearsals for quarterly forums, and field trips to the aquarium and museum. The buzz of the school year is exciting and I love the experiences and memories that it creates for Luca.

While I can volunteer to support those activities whenever the volunteering does not require me to be physically present during work hours, my contributions are rather limited. I can drop off homemade cookies, or purchase decorations, send an email to everyone, or manage a class website. My heart sinks when Luca goes off on his first field trip and I can't go along, or when a Halloween picnic takes place and I miss the costume parade (imagine all the cuteness together in one place with all those toddlers dressed up!).

And, just as my heart sinks a little, I also sigh in relief and thank heaven for SAHMs who devote a significant amount of time from their very busy lives to making all those special things happen for Luca. I also thank heaven for the fact that I've never heard a snide comment on their part for carrying a big part of the load, and they express gratitude over my attempts to pitch in. I'm pretty sure I will not be able to return the kindness in the same way, but I do send them positive thoughts, thankful sighs of relief and admiration.

just let me lie down

2010-09-03T06:05:00.000-07:00

If you are a working mom and you have not yet read Just Let Me Lie Down I'd like to take a moment to recommend the book. I was reading Real Simple magazine, the Family issue where Pancakes and French Fries' Jules is featured, and I ran across the ad by chance.

I recently got a nook for my birthday and, wanting to exercise my fast book-purchasing power, I downloaded it that moment.

I have laughed a lot as I read it, since I can relate to her working mother struggles. For example, she defines the Cone of Silence, which is the silence that school teachers keep about her "shortcomings" like sending a child completely covered in dog hair, or forgetting to send lunch money a few times in a row.

I've also wondered how on earth she got into my head and wrote down the things I was thinking about. The last day of her maternity leave, she held her son and did math in her head to calculate the number of hours she would spend with her child versus the number of hours the nanny would spend with her child. In her mind, if she got more than 50% of the time, she was still the mom.

Written for a working mom, it's short and does not have a plot so you can read any page at any time and get something out of it.

Are you reading any books you would like to recommend?

i am glad...

2010-08-30T06:08:00.000-07:00

The family is on it's fourth week without a nanny and, with just one more week to go, we are very very very tired. Alain and I split the childcare duties. While I work from 6 to 12, he takes care of the boys. While he works from 12 to 6, I do. Then at night when the boys go to bed, we catch up on the work we could not get done.

In spite of the tough schedule, there are things I am happy about...

An amazing husband: in this temporary child care arrangement, he got the tough shift. He is bathing, feeding and entertaining the boys during the morning when they are most active. At the same time, he's also working from home because there are calls and emails that cannot wait until noon. I come home to make lunch and put them down for their nap. Not once has he complained.
A small home: the smaller it is, the less there is to clean up.
A recent cleaning and purging spree: same concept as above
An very understanding boss: who else would ask how I'm doing instead of asking how I'm going to do it?
My ability to function, albeit not very well, without sleep
The boys' magical nap synchronization
Family meals: being at home more has given us the chance to make a nice lunch and sit together as a family.

Moms, have you ever had to do this for a significant amount of time?

my baby is back in school

2010-08-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

There is a sure sign that my baby is still a baby, even though he is back in school. Here is the list of school "supplies" that I am to send:

- 2 boxes of baby wipes
- 2 boxes of kleenex
- 1 pillow
- 1 blanket
- 2 outfits
- 1 box of washable Crayola markers...

If it were not for the last item, I would think I was packing for a day at Sea World.

am i a good mommy?

2010-08-26T05:43:00.000-07:00

Earlier today, as Andre handed me the dishes from the dishwasher and I put them away, I was enjoying our time together so much. He'd grab a dish and proudly hand it to me, I'd say "gracias" and he'd say "nanana," his baby babble version of "de nada."

In truly motherly fashion, I was also thinking about what he ate today - wholegrain waffle with organic peanut butter and fruit spread, cooked edamame, eggs (made sure they are not recalled), wild salmon, papaya and melon, organic string cheese... by the end I was pretty proud of myself. It lasted for a second because I thought about what Luca ate and the list was not very impressive.

Can what we do right with one child cancel out what we don't do so well with another? After all, while Luca's diet leaves much to be desired, he got to go to Gymboree classes and had me all to himself during my maternity leave. Andre's knowledge of Gymboree is limited to hand-me-down clothes from their brand, and I had to work through what would have been my maternity leave with him.

I hope that once Luca and Andre leave the house for college and I stay up at night not because they are sick or want to crawl into bed with us, but because I worry that they'll get a girl pregnant or get in a car accident, I will let them go with a general feeling that I was a good mom to them and that they are now able to make sound decisions. Hopefully it will all blur into one common experience and memory and they won't even remember who just ate pizza for a whole two years, and who got to go to the park every afternoon.

bringing work home

2010-08-25T06:00:00.000-07:00

One of the many things that allow me to work from home when needed: my Macbook Pro

Before becoming a mother, the boundaries between work and life were clean and clear. I did my best to keep them separate, and was successful most of the time.

During the recent years, however, I bring work from home on most week days and even some weekends. I find myself glued to my laptop at dawn and late at night. The workload has not changed, but my life has. Motherhood does not check out at the door when I get to the office. The nanny invariably calls because Andre has a fever, or because Alain left the house with the carseats. The school holds forums, parent-teacher appointments and fundraisers during work hours. The pediatrician only takes patients from 9 to 5.

Motherhood never rests, so work has to come home with me. If I take Andre to the pediatrician or attend Luca's Winter forum, I bring the proposal document home and finish it up in the evening. The reason I don't mind bringing work home with me is the cause behind it. I can be a working mom.

the nap that did it

2010-08-23T05:37:00.000-07:00

Such a memorable moment deserved to be captured in a picture.

Last week was tough. On Friday, I rushed home from work so Alain could leave the house and make it to a meeting. I still had work to do from home, Luca and Andre were hungry and cranky, and the house was a mess. I was ready to quit. When I say quit, I'm not sure if I wanted to quit work or motherhood, or just being both at the same time, but I was definitely feeling like I wanted to quit something.

About an hour later, however, something miraculous happened. It was incredible, unbelievable, almost unreal. Yes. Both of my children started their nap at the same time. By then, the house was orderly and my emails were answered so.... I took a nap. Yes. I took a nap in the middle of the day. And not only did I nap for 30 minutes, I woke up and read a couple of chapters from my new friend the nook.

All of a sudden, I felt centered again. Like, although it is hard to juggle work and motherhood, I was fit to do it and it was not so hard after all. I felt light, in a good mood, thankful for having a home, a good husband and such beautiful children.

I was thinking about that feeling today and realized that all it takes for this crazy life to feel OK is a little break here and there. I know this already, but boy is it hard to make it happen. Whatever caused the miracle on the memorable Friday afternoon, I hope it happens again soon.

end-of-summer blues

2010-08-21T20:14:00.000-07:00

Last year was Luca's first year in pre-school and this summer was thus his first summer vacation. As his first day of school fast approaches, I am feeling a little relieved that we will have a routine again. An earlier bed time for Luca translates into more quiet evening time for the grownups in the house. Mostly, however, I am feeling a little blue that the summer is almost over.

As a working mom, my activities with the boys during the week are limited to the afternoon when I arrive home from work. The long, warm days of this summer have been spent at the beach, at the park, at the pool, and everywhere but inside. Sharing fun experiences and seeing smiles is so much nicer than being inside the house continuously calling something to their attention or picking up after them. Children behave so much better when they are outside and having fun!

I've been thinking about what to do in the evenings as the days shorten and cool.

What do other moms of pre-schoolers do during the winter?

juggling work and childcare - new horizons

2010-08-18T23:53:00.000-07:00

It was Friday afternoon last week and, although happy to have spent so much time with my husband and children during the week, I was happy that our staycation was ending. My relief lasted about 10 hours because the following morning I got a call from the nanny. Upon returning from vacation, she fell and broke her other wrist while out with her daughters.

This time, the break required surgery and Alain and I are doing childcare and full-time work. While I'm tired as can be and it's only been two weeks , this has been a test that we have passed with flying colors.

Besides the significant increase in fatigue and sleep deprivation that are standard for parents of two young and active toddlers, we have managed pretty well. The house is clean and orderly, work is moving along, the boys are happy to hang out with us, and we love spending more time with them. It gives me peace of mind that, where we ever forced to go sans nanny indefinitely, we could do it. The main sacrifice? Time with my hubby. I think we would need many more date nights to make up the difference.

I've been worrying about what we will do 3 or 4 years from now when we no longer have a nanny because both boys will be in school and, come summer break, we have to do it all ourselves. I guess I have a feasible answer.

How did you handle childcare this summer?

the remedy for nightly wakings

2010-08-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

Andre had to sleep in our bed for a few days. He prefers to sleep in his crib so he slept as far away from us as he could,

causing us to stay awake in fear he'd fall off the bed any moment.

A few weeks ago, Luca began waking up at night, causing quite a sleep disruption for the entire family and much bickering amongst Alain and I about how to best handle the situation. While I cannot say that the problem is completely resolved, we have made large strides of progress.

The night I wrote my post, I tucked Luca in bed with his Buzz Light Year doll and told him that, where he to wake up at night, Buzz would keep him company and protect him. Since Luca had taken to waking up Andre to get our attention, I should have foreseen that the large and heavy Buzz doll would become a pain-inflicting weapon. Buzz will never sleep in Luca's bed again.

We are now in week 4 since the night-waking began and Luca wakes up once and visits our bedroom, but does not put up a fight and goes back to sleep for the rest of the night when we promptly return him to his bed. This is a big improvement and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Much like with potty training, the approach that worked well ended up being a "no big deal" attitude. When he woke up, we put him back in bed with a quiet "Luca should sleep in in his own bed" and promptly removed Andre from the crib and put him in our bedroom. No scolding, no long explanations. Basically, no reaction.

We are sleeping much better these days, and I feel ready to return to the office from my "staycation" on Monday.

vacation... of sorts

2010-08-11T04:45:00.000-07:00

A gathering with family in our yard.

Back in May, our nanny asked if she could go on vacation for a week or so sometime in August. She surely deserves it so we agreed and then decided that, since we were taking a trip in September, we would just stay in town and have a "staycation." After all, we live in a top tourist destination with theme parks, beaches and all kinds of fun things to do. Rather than wait for the weekend, we could just enjoy our city during the workweek and avoid the crowds.

What we did not count on was that we are still at our house and thus responsible for cleaning, cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, taking out the garbage. And since we are in town we can drop by the office and check email every day. And since we are in the house we can tackle the home improvements we've been making such slow progress on.

Our staycation consists of juggling house work, home improvement, childcare and work. We are unbelievably tired. What I do like about it is the flexibility. We don't really have a schedule to stick to and that makes sneaking in an hour at the gym, frozen yoghurt runs and time with family was easier.

This week is not turning out like I expected, but I think I will enjoy it.

a little time to ourselves

2010-08-03T05:44:00.000-07:00

This past weekend Alain and I dropped off the boys at my parents' house and headed to Santa Barbara. We had crab and sangria, walked along State St., did wine tasting, had dinner at a great restaurant, slept in, worked out at the gym, shopped a little, read a lot. It was bliss.

Funny. During the first half of the first day day we were feeling a little strange. Like something was missing. Like, maybe, two very active little boys? It took us a couple of hours to find the smooth flow of just us.

I am so glad we were able to spend two days alone. It was a little bit of "us" and it was great. It made going back to the crazyness of "all of us" a natural and welcome transition. We loved being by ourselves, but we also love being parents and would not trade it for the world. Not even for a kobe beef flat iron steak with a bottle of pinot noir.

an adaptive challenge

2010-07-28T07:08:00.000-07:00

I have a technical problem. Luca is no longer sleeping through the night, so neither is anyone else in the house. It typically starts at 2 or 3 a.m. when he tries to climb into our bed. We return him to his bed up to 10 times, with decreasing levels of patience, and it eventually culminates in a full-blown tantrum. Last night, for dramatic effect, he climbed into Andre's crib and woke him up so he could cry along with him. The lovely pattern has been lasting between 1 and 3 hours per night for the past 6 nights. I often end up so frustrated that I cannot return to sleep.

Addressing the technical problem at face value has failed miserably. Specifically, our approach has been to kindly but firmly return him to his bed every time. We have now resorted to locking our door, which led him to try harder by waking up his brother, screaming for milk, taking off his diaper, turning on the hall lights... I will spare you the rest. I'll just say that I'm drinking more than 4 cups of coffee at the office just to stay alert.

We have an adaptive challenge- changing our behavior and his surroundings so we prevent the issue rather than react to it. At the moment, I'm wondering what could be causing him to want to sleep in our bed. What could possibly motivate a well-behaved toddler to defy us so insistently, to suddenly stop sleeping soundly through the night? An analysis of recent events, such as routine, relationships, health, diet, has not led us anywhere.

I am wondering if he has developed a fear of the dark. Perhaps if I give him his Buzz Light Year doll to "protect" him during the night he may feel better? Have you had this problem and how did you address it? I could really use some help.

building memories

2010-07-26T14:29:00.000-07:00

I vividly remember the sun coming up and illuminating the Pampa fields with an orange glow while Jean Michel Jarre's Oxygen played in the background. I was in the back seat of the car, looking out the window as we embarked on a vacation trip. I was only 5 and I don't remember the vacation itself but, 30 years later, I still savor the uplifting, almost spiriual, feeling of that experience. I mentioned that memory to my dad once and he told me that he knew the experience would impact my brother, my sister and I. He just didn't know if we would remember it.

I sometimes think about the fact that Luca and Andre are so young that, were I to pass away, they would not remember me. Even if they do not remember the specific experiences they are having, I am sure they are being impacted by them.They may not recall our walk around Sea Port Village this weekend, but I am sure that the delightful giggles on that swinging chair, the ride on the merry-go-round and the chocolate ice cream made them feel joyful and content. And I guess that is what parenting is all about, creating life experiences and providing opportunities that will shape our children into healthy adults. If only it could all be as simple and enjoyable as was this weekend.

the "us" in "all of us"

2010-07-23T05:45:00.000-07:00

As you may recall, I took off four days from work and visited my sister and her husband in NYC this past weekend. While I was feeling the pangs of mother's guilt prior to leaving, I was actually surprised that I didn't feel much of it during the trip.

Yes, I missed my children and thought about them quite a bit. But the person I missed the most was my husband. As much as I love our life as parents, I miss having time with him. I miss having breakfast and chatting about the day, watching the news together, having lunch at a local bar, going to the movies and out to dinner at night, going on long mountain bike rides during the weekend. I miss our time.

While in NYC, I took a little respite from mommyhood and enjoyed rare treats like sleeping in, going out to drinks and dinner every night, shopping, and walking about with just my light purse in town. I kept wishing Alain was there with me to share that special time with him. It's been over 3 years since we became parents and we enjoy it so much. We've grown, learned and changed and we share something incredibly special - our children.

But I do not want to let go of our time. Maybe get a little bit in each day, and a weekend here and there. Not to take us back to where we were, because I think neither one of us would ever want to go back to when it was just the two of us. Just to make sure we keep a little us, within the all of us.

mister independent

2010-07-22T05:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday during lunch break, Alain and I went over to the small park across the street from the local YMCA where Luca and Andre were with their nanny. I was happy to find that there was a group of children ages 4 and 5 there from a YMCA camp. I intently watched Luca playing ball and interacting with one of the children, since we've been doing a lot of work on developing his social skills.

While I was busy observing Luca, however, Andre, with all the confidence of his1-year-old self, made his way to the group of boys that was playing and soon after that had all five of them wrapped around his little finger. Five toddlers were playing ball with him, making sure he caught it, showing him how to kick it, helping him up if he fell. He looooved te attention and spread smiles all around. He was having the time of his life.

It's so rewarding to see Luca and Andre's development process. I'm sure Andre will teach Luca many things, just like Luca has been teaching him a few tricks already.

fun = laundry

2010-07-17T06:34:00.000-07:00

Do you ever find that there is a correlation between the amount of fun the family has over the weekend and the number of loads of laundry that result? Allow me to illustrate:

- Friday Night: Sea World + pizza and games = 1 load
- Saturday: Swim school + picnic + park + inflatable pool = 3 loads
- Sunday: Run and bike + community pool + World Cup with the family + backyard = 2 loads

Weekend tally: 7 loads
I am out of town visiting my sister this weekend while Alain and the boys are staying at home. Given the fact that they usually find a million things to do, I think I’m coming home to at least 6 or 7 loads. I just hope they don’t run out of underwear before I come back!

an enormous responsibility

2010-07-15T05:33:00.000-07:00

I am reading Ishmael Beah's memoir "A Long Way Home" tracing his childhood. Born in Sierra Leon, he was only 13 years old when rebels attacked his village, forcing him to flee on foot and eventually becoming an involuntary recruit of those rebels. As I read his story and admire his resilience, I have also had some fears brought to the surface.

I keep thinking about the enormous responsibility that I have to ensure my children's physical and emotional safety. While they are highly unlikely to be in a situation like that of Ishmael's, even less serious situations, like bullying at school, can leave a child with a lot of pain and confusion to sort through. They were born content and with no preocupations, so it almost feels like it's up to me to keep them that way.

But also know that they will have to learn to stand up for themselves and deal with what life has to bring. The delicate balance of allowing them to make their own mistakes, yet intervening (successfully, I hope) if a big mistake is in the making, is no small thing. I think Luca and Andre are still too young, but eventually, especially in their teen years, they'll resent my involvement and sometimes they'll be right and I'll be wrong. I just hope that when they come out the other end, they understand that I'm doing my best. Most importantly, I hope that they do their own best.

home is where the heart is

2010-07-14T05:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we think about getting a bigger home. A home with a bigger back yard and three bedrooms so Luca and Andre don't have to share a room as they get older.

But then I think about my grandparent's summer home, which was the world to me for 3 precious months every year during my childhood. I visited the house as an adult and realized how small and simple it was. But that is unimportant to a child. What made it amazing was the endless supply of toys, the freedom to run around, the pool!

The other day Alain and I inflated a little pool in the backyard (with our own lung power) and warmed it up by carrying pots of warm water from the kitchen. Luca and Andre enjoyed it so much. They might wonder at how small our home is if they visit it years from now. But today, I think they feel it's just right.

summer camp

2010-07-12T14:42:00.000-07:00

I was at a department store a few weeks ago when I fell in love with a bag. It was one of those buttery leather, goes with everything, classic yet modern bag and it was on sale. I held it, tried it on and looked at it from far away, inside an out. Even when on sale, this bag was just the kind of bag that I could wear for years to come. If I were to amortize the cost, I pondered, I could get down to 50 cents per time I used it. It was such a smart buy, of course.

And, of course, I do not need any bags. Who actually needs a bag? I can do just fine with the ones I already have. I put the bag down and walked away, feeling a little disappointed and letting go of all the images of cute outfits I had already put together in my mind.

That same night, I logged in to the YMCA page and signed up Luca for his first ever summer camps. Swim camp and gymnastics camp. Today was his first day of camp and he had fun, learned about sharing, had a swim lesson and had experiences that will shape the little boy he is and the good man he will become.

The fee for the camps could have paid for the bag. But I know that if I amortize the cost, the investment is a million times more worth while.

the value of friendships

2010-07-10T04:13:00.000-07:00

About two summers ago, two of my friends were talking when they brought up the idea of getting together as a group on a regular basis. Until that time, I had many girlfriends and saw each of them ocassionaly, sometimes in a group setting, sometimes in pairs, sometimes one by one.

As I overheard the idea, it dawned on me that since we are all busy it would be great to agree on a time and meet every week so we've been doing it ever since. Not all of us make it every week, but there is always good representation. We do a range of things, from going to the movies to just having coffee or walking along the boardwalk. We've experienced engagements, baby and wedding showers, weddings, pregnancies and miscarriages, birthdays and injuries, break ups and accomplishments. Most importantly, we are experiencing those things together and we are supporting each other through them.

While my husband is a great companion and source of support, it is healthy to lean on others and to be leaned on. In just the course of those two years, even with some serious things having happened, I can honestly say that my life is more satisfying and a lot of it has to do with the wonderful, amazing women who are in my life. Not just those who I see every week, but also those who I see in other occasions, as well as those in the blogging and professional communities where I belong.

Do you have a source of support for which you are thankful?

a world run by women

2010-07-08T05:59:00.000-07:00

Our small firm has been planning to deliver consulting services to global clients for quite some time. Specifically, we first brought this up at our 2001 strategic retreat.

This year, we are finally working with our first global client and, while I am very happy about this acoomplishment since it took several years to take this first step, I am enjoying another aspect of the partnership much more.

The organization is packed with capable, powerful, incredibly personable women and I have the privilege of partnering with them. From the intial call, to the negotiation meeting, to the contracting correspondence, and now to delivery coordination, I have worked with women only. For me, the experience is absolutely satisfying. They expect the best and are not shy to ask for what they feel is best, but they do so with a sensible and human approach that makes my work with them be an absolute pleasure.

I sure wish we women ran the world. I think it would be a much more pleasant experience for us all.

the final countdown

2010-07-07T05:34:00.000-07:00

I'm once again feeling the pangs of mother's guilt. Much like hunger pangs 2 hours post any meal, they show up whenever I anticipate enjoying myself without my children in the picture.

This time the cause is an impending 4-day trip to NYC to visit my sister and her husband all by myself. All by myself. I don't even remember what it's like to travel by myself! i have not done that since before Luca was born three years ago. I can hardly believe that I'll be at the airport and I'll have the choice to read, snooze or have some coffee while I wait for the plane. And that's the boring part!

The guilt is divided in two. The first and strongest part is actually not related to leaving my children, but rather to leaving the whole parenting load to Alain. He's been on some trips since Luca was born three years ago - a 3-day cruise, a few weekend bachelor parties, a mountain bike trip and even a 2-week journey through Egipt with his dad when Andre was five months old and Luca was 2 1/2. So why do I feel this guilt, but I don't hold negative feelings about Alain taking a few breaks here and there?

The other half of the guilt is the generic mother's guilt. I feel bad about leaving them behind a few days and about enjoying myself without them and because I will be without them.

I understand that, from an evolutionary point of view, this makes sense. After all, mothers must be wired to feel this way so they don't leave their babies lying around somewhere when they need a break, no matter how much they need the break. But I wonder if it will eventually fade over millions of years, much like body hair, and we'll eventually have a reasonable mother's guilt equivalent to eyebrows and eyelashes.

brotherly "love"

2010-07-06T06:12:00.000-07:00

"Awwww, are you hugging your little brother?" I'm gushing, so proud that Luca is finally warming up to Andre. But, then... you saw the video. You know how this ends.

Alain and I decided to have two children close together so they could keep each other company and teach each other about the value and challenges of sharing, sorting through conflict, sustaining friendships, compromise... the list is endless. Now that we have Luca and Andre, we teach them on a daily basis how to respect each other, share toys, say hello and sorry, and all the things that we hope will lead them to be good siblings as children and into adulthood.

There are some times, however, when we can't help but laugh at their ways of showing discontent with having to share the attention of their parents. After all, what would you say if your husband one day just brought another woman home and said that from now on you have to share everything with her and complaining about it will get you a time out! I'm very sure I'd squeeze in a few pushes and shoves while I thought no one was looking!

I just hope the learning process for them is as smooth as it can possibly be.

a lesson in joy

2010-07-03T10:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I have to remind myself what it was like to be a child. There were so many things that I found interesting, captivating, fun that I now pass by on a regular basis without thinking twice about them. While I dismiss those "simple" things now, I've been reliving them through my children lately.

Today while eating breakfast, the garbage truck came by. Luca, Andre and I ran outside barefoot in our pajamas just to watch the truck pick up and dump each canister. They looked at the truck in awe, like it was the coolest thing they've ever seen! On our way back to the house, we ran into some snails crossing our walkway and leaving a little trail behind. Luca laid on his tummy and laughed out loud every time the antenae retracted with a gentle touch. Andre laughed just because Luca was laughing. I laughed with them.

In the back of my mind, I was thinking we should hurry because we had to get ready for swim class and then pack up and go visit my parents 3 hours away. But for a couple of minutes, I forgot all about it and just got caught up in Luca and Andre's joy. Childhood can be so joyful. I may be teaching my sons a lot of things, but I think they are teaching me a lot more.

the platinum rule

2010-07-02T06:23:00.000-07:00

The golden rule, "treat others as you'd like to be treated," works well when those others have preferences that are similar to ours. I find, however, that the platinum rule, "treat others as they'd like to be treated," is better appreciated.

The platinum rule comes to mind when I am raising my children. Although Luca and Andre are similar in many ways, they are also unique little men with wants and preferences. Luca did a lot of heavy work in training me to parent him. Stories bore him if we linger on a page a little too long (as in long enough to read what they say) so I have abbridged versions that I speed through at bed time. Andre, on the other hand, is having to retrain me, teaching me to savor the experience with him. He touches each page and looks at each image taking it all in.

Adapting to each child also means that, while I will treat them equitably, I will not do so equally. I wonder what kind of children, young adults and adults they will become. I wonder what kind of support (or lack of it) they'll require from me and Alain. I wonder. I wonder. I hope I do it well.

unmarried without children: qualified for the job?

2010-06-29T05:55:00.000-07:00

President Obama has chosen Elena Kagan to become our next Supreme Court Justice. As she is going through Senate Hearings, her political career and personal life are, understandably so, under the magnifying glass. One of the areas of focus on the media has been the fact that Elena Kagan is not married and does not have children. Some wonder if she can bring a true woman's perspective to the table if she has not experienced marriage or motherhood.

In our nation's history, only 3 out of 110 Supreme Court Justices have been women. This short list includes Sandra Day O'Connor, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and recently appointed Sonya Sotomayor. While justices O'Connor and Ginsburg were appointed while married with children, their children were already grown. Sonya Sotomayor is divorced and does not have children.

The question of whether a person who has not been married or had children can do a good job as a Supreme Court Justice is not what I am pondering today. The spotlight on Elena Kagan is highlighting how career and motherhood can collide, especially in high-powered, very demanding careers. Patricia Millet, a frequent advocate before the Supreme Court, refers to it as an inhuman juggling act saying "At least once a week, I do come pretty close to saying 'I just have to give up. I can't keep this going.'"

The question of whether a working mother can have it all is not new. I don't doubt that a married woman with small children can excell at such a high-powered job, but I do wonder if she can do so and sustain a reasonable quality of life. Does a woman need to postpone having children, wait until they are grown, or not have them at all to make it to the top?

What do you think?

traveling with children

2010-06-25T15:41:00.000-07:00

Luca, Alain and I (Andre on the way) on vacation.

Although we don't get to do it as often as we would like, travel is one of our favorite things to do. Alain and I enjoy seeing and experiencing new things and we want to instill that same passion for travel in our children. Traveling smoothly with small children does require some effort. Here, a list of ideas we have implemented on short, domestic trips and long, international trips.

Child-friendly Destination: We define a child-friendly destination as a country or location that has easy access to medical care AND is child-friendly. A perfect example overseas is Italy, where children are welcome at nice restaurants and shops and no one bats an eye if they are fussy or if you have a special request for them - "Could you bring his pasta in a small bowl, with the sauce on the side, but make sure it has no green stuff in it?" "Sure thing, Signora! In the mean time, here is a kitty made from pizza dough that our cook just made for him." Spain and most of Latin America are the same way.

Carry-on: We pack everything in 2 carry-on suitcases and 2 small backpacks. By using only carry-on, we avoid luggage check-in and pick-up lines and eliminate the possibility that the luggage will be stolen or delayed. While backpacks are not very fashionable, they allow us to carry a considerable amount of stuff while leaving our hands free- one to pull a suitcase, one to carry a child.

Ship Supplies: Carrying enough diapers for two children on a 2-week trip could take up an entire suitcase. When the boys were a little younger, we carried enough diapers, baby food and formula for the journey to our destination. The rest we bought upon arrival. Since not all the products you are used to are available in other countries, you can order your must-haves from http://www.babiestravellite.com/ and they'll ship them ahead to almost anywhere in the world.

Child Seats: If you are renting a car at your destination, you can also rent a car seat. No need to bring one along with you.

Entertainment: a portable DVD with movies the kids have not yet seen, new coloring books and reading books, new iphone apps and some small crafts will keep them entertained and reasonably quiet. These things take up precious space but are well worth it!

Are you going on a trip this summer?

the perfect age

2010-06-23T04:33:00.000-07:00

If a genie appeared and asked if I could extend a period in my children's life for just a little longer so I could enjoy it to the fullest, I would answer 1 year. Let's say Andre's age right now to be exact and ask to freeze him for a little while at 14 months.

Andre sits, stands and walks on his own, allowing me to have free hands and get some respite from constant carrying. He is learning to use his hands and explore the world with them so a piece of paper, a spoon or a baloon can provide endless entertainment while I do the grocery shopping. Andre squeals in delight every time he gets a little attention and always responds to my words with a big smile. He sleeps through the night so I do also. Andre no longer breastfeeds, drinks formula or eats baby food. A sippy cup is all I have to carry! Andre is learning to love all kinds of food and the possibilities for his palate are endless. He's learned to communicate some basic needs, but is still delightfully unaware of the power of a tantrum.

I remember how much I enjoyed Luca at this age. If only I could also have had him that way a little longer.

One of the most rewarding parts of being a mom is to see Luca and Andre grow, learn new concepts, master new skills, teach me about the world through a child's eyes. I would not trade that for anything in the world. All I am asking is that they stay this adorable just a little longer. Is that so much to ask?

helping a toddler cope with stress

2010-06-21T05:34:00.000-07:00

Photography by Tande, Dilanatta's Photography

The past year has been full of transitions for Luca and I’ve picked up on a pattern of dealing with stressful things which leads me to wonder about how to best help him when he is undergoing something difficult in his life. Here is a list of the events that led me to identify the pattern:

- Andre was born: Luca did not recognize his existence for at least 6 months

- Pre-school started: Luca did not talk about what he did in school, nor answer our questions about it, not during the entire school year

- Alain went on a two week trip: Luca did not ask about him

- Luca’s grandmother passed away: Luca has not asked about her. Further, when I point to her picture he does not name her

- Luca’s pre-school assistant was replaced: same as above

Hmmm, this sounds like someone I know very well and that person is me. I tend not to talk about the most stressful things in my life but can talk freely about normal stress. How do I support his transitions, and help him to cope and process his feelings? It sounds like I need to do a little work on myself, and also lean on Alain to help on this one.

Moms, do you have strategies you can share?

happy father's day

2010-06-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

I often pat myself in the back for having chosen such a good husband. He is smart, hard working, funny, loving, and an excellent father. Alain is such a good dad. He even said to me, when we were having a heart to heart one time, that he would gladly be the one to carry the pregnancy. He felt he was missing out. He meant it.

I could take all the credit for the careful screening while we dated, and for not getting married before I got a chance to meet him. But, in truth, the credit also belongs to my dad for being such a good model. As a child, he played with me and encouraged me to think and engage in smart conversation. He taught me to be honest and to excel at school and work. As an adult, I have his unconditional support.

Thank you to all the men who are raising good boys who will eventually become good fathers.

a little pampering for mom

2010-06-18T07:55:00.000-07:00

It's been a tough week at work and getting rest at home has been impossible. Andre has decided to wake up every night at 3:00 a.m. for no apparent reason but to wake up his brother, dad and mom. The next day, as we wake up early to get ready for work, Andre makes up for the lost sleep by delaying wake-up time.

I was feeling the need to relax a little and pamper myself. A massage sounded like a good idea but budget and time constraints do not permit it at the moment so I went for a spa pedicure. The leg massage was just enough to relax me and my toes were sandal ready.

That half hour of relaxation and pampering was all I needed to clear my mind a little and return home with a lighter, and prettier, step.

Upon arrival, Andre greeted me by stepping on my big toe and smudging the polish. I picked him up to prevent further damage but he dropped his car toy on my other big toe.

Does anyone know of a good summer shoe that covers the big toe? Or perhaps I'll try the sandals with socks look.

a small price to pay for a girls night out

2010-06-16T04:57:00.000-07:00

A firm believer in the benefits of taking time for myself and enjoying the company of wonderful women, I make room for a weekly outing with girlfriends.

Mother's guilt aside, there is a small price to pay for leaving the boys with their dad:

Burglars will enter the kid's room and practically empty all drawers. They may even leave a dirty diaper on the floor (see foot of the bed) or take off the mobile from the crib and put it on Luca's bed. Wait! Where is Luca? Did they take him?

They may also, just for the heck of it, leave the wipes box open and most diapers on the tray will magically disapear!

Fortunately, you will find that Luca was not taken after all. He's just sleeping in your bed with a bucket full of toys which will poke you in the back at different times during the night. And Andre... well, he's sleeping quietly after having enjoyed a long snuggle with dad.

And all the stuff on the floor (your should see the family room) is just a gentle reminder that a girls night out has a small price to pay - a little clean up afterwards.

learning through role play

2010-06-12T07:45:00.000-07:00

Alain and I held the end-of-year parent/teacher meeting this week. We are very proud of Luca for completing his first year of pre-school. During the year, he's learned to use the bathroom and left diapers far behind. He's also learned all the letters in the alphabet and he read and write his name and a few other words. The list of positive changes that we have seen in him as he's matured and learned the ropes of pre-school life makes us happy about our decision to enroll him.

During our meeting, we were also interested in discussing how we can help him continue his growth during the summer and the teacher shared a wonderful idea: role play with dolls.

Luca is a free spirit, energetic and very much a boy. This can get him in trouble sometimes when he tries to play with other children, especially girls, and he is too rough. He's still learning to understand the subtleties of social interaction so his teacher suggested we get a few dolls that represent him and other children and adults.

Some of the scenarios we'll undertake are:
- Greeting everyone in the room upon arrival
- Approaching other children to engage in play
- Determining the other children's desires and respecting them (not everyone likes to play soccer as much as Luca does!)
- Sharing

We are looking forward to it. I think he will benefit from the exercises and start school next year with new social skills to share.

this week's feelings

2010-06-10T05:35:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday when I came home from work, Andre saw me come in and let go of his nanny and walked all by himself towards me while saying "Mama, mama!" with a big smile on his face. He then hugged me and gave me a very slobbery kiss. I just about melted.

Andre has been growing by leaps and bounds. Every day he learns something new. The pure joy of seeing him change before my eyes is tainted with nostalgia. He is no longer a baby and I know I will blink and he'll be as big as Luca is today, going off to pre-school and talking incesantly about how a bird pooped on mom's car (he thinks it's the funniest thing he's ever seen).

It's moments like that hug and kiss that make it so worthwhile to be so sleep deprived, but they also leave me feeling torn about missing out on so much. Andre will never be this age again, and there I go off to work every day and miss out on all his glorious cuteness.

My dilemma is not unique I'm sure. I choose to work and bring home half the bacon. It's what works for me. But I guess no choice is ever perfect, no situation 100% ideal. Most of the time, I'm happy about going to work but this week I've been a little sad about it. My mind starts racing and I wonder if I should change careers, or downsize everything so we can rely on one income, or just bring Andre with me to work every day...

How do you feel?

when mom is sick

2010-06-06T06:34:00.000-07:00

I was reading Jule's very real post today about her family's bout of stomach flu and recalling my own family's bad experience with it just a couple of months ago when it occurred to me that preparing a husband for when mom gets sick might be a good idea.

Like an earthquake kit of sorts, sharing this list with dad as sickness settles in might make the bout a little more bearable:

What I Do Not Know Won't Hurt Me: The house is not going to be as neat as it usually is if I'm out of commission. Since I'll be mostly bed-ridden, please create an illusion of order and cleanliness by maintaining the surrounding areas in order. I won't have enough energy to find a huge pile of dirty clothes and toys in the children's bathroom tub. Feel free to pretend everything is clean by throwing it all in there.

Set The Alarm: When I got the stomach flu, Alain took care of the boys with no complaints. He fed, diapered, bathed, entertained, and all the other "eds" on his own and let me recover. The only improvement I can suggest is that checking in on me once every three hours or so might be a good idea. You know, just in case I pass out on the floor or need water.

Bring on the Pity: My suggestion would be that Alain do everything under his power to bring up feelings of pity and sympathy for him. The poor dad taking care of the boys and a sick wife all by himself is a good case to make. Strategically sharing the news with our friends and family will bring all kinds of babysitting, cooking and cleaning support.

Where was Alain when Luca sat on me while I recovered from foot surgery?

Why, taking the picture, of course!

Anything you would like to suggest for making mom's life during sickness a little easier?

a day at the beach

2010-06-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

Now that the weather is warmer Alain and I have the perfect plan for Saturday with the boys: the beach.

We pack light. Large beach bag with:
- 4 towels
- 2 diapers
- 1 box of wipes
- 2 bottles for the boys
- 1 lunch box with lunch for the boys
- 1 change of clothes for the boys
- 1 big container of baby powder (you'll learn why later)
- small sand toys

We arrive right before nap time. The boys enjoy the water and play for a couple of hours. By the time we leave they are worn out and overdue for a nap. We dry them and then cover them in baby powder. It absorbs the moisture completely, the sand falls off as if by magic, and the car thanks us for it. As they settle in their car seats to drink a bottle of whatever their choice of liquid is that day, they doze off and peace and quiet reign.

Peace & Quiet

We found a little outdoor eating place with a parking lot next to the tables on the sidewalk. We sit next to the car, leave the windows open, and let them nap in the ocean breeze. Alain and I have the luxury of discussing the economy, the soccer cup, and all kinds of adult interests. The nap sometimes lasts well after we arrive home, giving us a chance to watch TV or do home improvement.

Fun AND relaxing for all four of us. What is your perfect weekend plan?

satc: confessions of a good mom

2010-06-03T05:45:00.000-07:00

I went to see Sex and the City 2 with my girl friends last week and one of the scenes features Charlotte and Miranda having a drink and keeping it real regarding motherhood. They are both good moms and they love their husbands and children, and they are also human. Here is what they confessed to each other:

- Miranda after quitting her job and becoming a stay-at-home mom: "Sometimes, as much as I love Brady, and I love him very much, being his mom is not enough."
- Charlotte talking about her youngest daughter Rose, who cries non-stop: "She drives me crazy! Sometimes I look myself in the closet and cry."
- Charlotte confessing her first thought after Samantha pointed out that her nanny was too pretty and would seduce her husband: "I don't want to lose my nanny!"

We laughed and nodded and, after the movie, we shared some of our own stories:

- Mom 1: "Sometimes I tell my boys that mommy was bad and has to go on time out. I lock myself in my room for a few minutes and regroup."
- Mom 2: "Oh, I do the same!"
- Me: "That's a great idea!!"
- Mom 2: "We should take two days off just like Charlotte did."

We all agreed so we are planning a weekend trip to Palm Springs.

Any guilty confessions you have? This is a judgement free area. You can say what you feel and we will know you are a good mom.

wrapping up the school year

2010-05-30T07:48:00.000-07:00

Valentine's Day craft time at Luca's school.

This was Luca's first year in school and, just like he learned a lot in school, I learned a lot about what it means to have my child in school. One of the surprises was how much Alain and/or I were to be present at the school during work hours. While Alain owns his business and is limited by workload, I work for someone else and I am limited by workload and company policies. Some of the school-time requests we received:

- School open house event: even before Luca was enrolled, we attended the open house event (10:00 a.m. on a Monday)
- School orientation: once admitted, Luca was to visit the school with us and become familiar with the place and his classroom (Friday 3:00 p.m.)
- Parent/Teacher meetings: 3 meetings during the school year (between 8:00 and 10:00 a.m. on Tuesdays)
- School forum: Luca performed for the Halloween show, Winter show, Valentines Day show, Mardi Gras show and End-of-year Show (9:00 - 11:00 a.m.on Wednesdays)
- Winter and Spring Fair: an event for parents and children (9:00 - 12:00 on Fridays)

Combine that with the times he had a fever and we had to pick him up, and it amounts to quite a bit. I am very thankful for the stay-at-home parents as well as parents with a flexible work schedule because they went along on field trips and aided for classroom projects.

While I love how many activities happen at the school and how much Luca enjoys them, I still struggle with wanting to attend all of them but being unable to do so. I am better prepared for next school year, but I wonder how things will go when Andre begins school. Double the time? I sure hope there is some overlap or I'll have to start working part time just to be there for both of them!

yawn

2010-05-27T06:15:00.000-07:00

Luca in his typical napping pose.

Andre has been sick for the past few weeks. Nothing serious, just the typical back to back colds with ear infection thrown in to keep us on our toes and, oh... maybe a cough here and there just for fun. The result has been chronic sleep deprivation for Alain and I.

This morning Andre woke up at 5:00 a.m. and I am so tired that I could probably fall asleep on the sidewalk while walking. I decided to look up what the effects of long term sleep deprivation are and, as Oprah would say, I had an "aha moment." Dr. Meir Kryger, professor of medicine at the University of Manitoba in Winnipeg, Canada, says that people who don't sleep well frequently exhibit the following symptoms:

- Frequent sleepiness
- Nodding off at meetings or while driving
- Difficulty with concentration
- Lapses in memory
- Poor performance
- Mood changes, such as being snappy or moody

While sleepiness and nodding off I knew about, the other symptoms were a surprise and also a relief. I have noticed lapses in memory, difficulty with concentration and being irritable so I've been working really hard to manage myself, such as adopting the "only a moment" mantra. I've been pretty hard on myself about the changes I've noticed, attributing them to not trying hard enough, letting my emotions control me, being weak willed...

So, while I don't think I'll get enough sleep any time soon, I am feeling better about myself as a person. I'll keep trying to keep it together but at least I know the likely cause behind these changes. It's normal and so am I.

the juggling act

2010-05-24T11:57:00.000-07:00

My dad and my husband can juggle really well. From apples to toys, they can toss a few objects in the air and make it look easy and fun.

I'm not much of a juggler, but I feel like one when it comes to work and being a mom. On Thursday, our nanny was off for the morning and Andre came to the office with me. While he was exploring the books, tugging on the courtains, crawling through the office and getting cookies from my coworkers, I managed to send out an online survey for an important client project. Since I had an eye and and ear occupied with Andre, I triple checked every one of the 54 emails I sent that morning. It is easy to have a typo or mismatch a name to an email address when only 50% of my sight and hearing are dedicated to the task. The nanny finally came to pick him up and the emails went out without a hitch. The extra checking did cause a backlog of work and the rest of the day was pretty busy and stressful.

On Friday we held a company retreat and I was surprised to hear the team tell me about how much they enjoyed having Andre at the office and how impressed they were about how I did the mom and work thing so smoothly. I made it look easy and fun. I have a new appreciation for jugglers. That was some very hard work, no matter what their perception!

parenting and gender equality

2010-05-19T06:35:00.000-07:00

Andre, six hours old.

I believe in gender equality when it comes to parenting. When I talk about gender equality, I don't mean that the roles of the parents should be equal but rather that the workload should be. For some, this means that one parent stays at home and cares for the children while the other works outside of the home. For Alain and I, it means that we both work outside of the home and share the child rearing responsibilities.

When I met Alain I "screened" him for his equal partner potential. Did he believe in equal child rearing responsibilities? Did he support the idea of both parents working outside of the home? He passed with flying colors and we were married three years after we met.

To my surprise, perhaps I was naive?, parenting equality was different from what I expected straight from the beginning. The day I became pregnant was the day I became a mom. Prenatal vitamins, a healthier diet, adapted exercise routine and regular checkups became my parental responsibilities.Nausea, dizzines, fatigue, weight gain, and all sorts of body changes became my companions. During the nine months of pregnancy, we both prepared the house for a newborn, adjusted our finances and took prenatal classes. But Alain became a dad nine months later than I did.

Even after Luca was born, the disparity was apparent. I was away from my job for six weeks, neglecting clients and important projects no matter how supportive and helpful my boss and coworkers were. I was also recovering physically from pregnancy and birth, experiencing back pain, breast pain, headaches and overall changes. My choice to breastfeed also meant that I alone was responsible for nourishing our child, which translated into either being in close proximity to the baby or to a pump at all times.

Alain during that time was an outstanding father and partner. Supportive, helpful, loving. But no matter how hard he tried, he could not take on my load. I am female and the physical role of having a child is not the same as the father's. I know this may sound obvious, but I did not quite understand it until I experienced it. I was better prepared for Andre. I knew what to expect, and I knew it would eventually end.

Would I trade spaces with Alain? Not in a million years. I'd rather have extra responsibilities during the first year than miss out on the miracle of pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding. Would you trade with your children's father?

only a moment

2010-05-17T14:05:00.000-07:00

On Sunday afternoon, as I was picking up toys and cleaning up the house, Luca was driving me crazy. It seemed as though he had a list of things he is not supposed to do and was just checking off one by one. As I moved about the house and repeated "Luca. Don't do that, please" endlessly, I started to get frustrated. I found myself wanting to yell at him at the top of my lungs and then, out of nowhere, I recalled an article that I read last year in O Magazine.

The actress Julianna Margulies talks about how it took one moment for her to understand the words that her mother had been telling her for a lifetime. She had just gone back to work from maternity leave and her son, then 5 and 1/2 monts old, was up crying in the middle of the night. Overwhelmed and frustrated, thinking about how she needed to be up early the next day, her mother's words came rushing back "this is only a moment; it's not the rest of your life." Right then, she finally got the point and calmed down immediately. Her mother's words put the moment in perspective.

So, much like Julianna, those words came to me and I paused for a second. I could continue my miserable state and keep scolding Luca, holding back the urge to yell, or I could give him the attention he was looking for and make us both happy. As I sat down with him and put a puzzle together and cuddled and kissed him, I realized that this IS just a moment. I think Julianna's mom meant to put some perspective on negative situations, but her wise words also ring true for treasurable moments. I will blink and Luca will be 15 and the last thing on his wish list will be to spend time playing and cuddling with mom.

A little later, Luca now happy and calm, I finished up what I was doing.

mother's guilt

2010-05-15T05:00:00.000-07:00

Walking along the boardwalk with my mom friends and watching the sunset, we were reflecting on how rewarding it is to take a little time off to ourselves every week. Then, the newest mom in the group brought up the topic of guilt. She spends 24 hours a day with her newborn: bathing, cuddling, dressing, nursing, loving. Now that her daugher is her first priority, she thinking about how to continue working from home and stay involved in the community, how to get some exercise into her schedule. Aside from the logistics of all of this is the feeling of guilt that interferes with her planning. Thoughts of taking time to be anything but a mom bring up guilt.

As we listened, we also nodded. We know the pangs of guilt all too well. Some of us are stay-at-home moms, others work from home, others work outside of the home, but all of us feel that guilt. Whether it's about taking a walk with friends, or leaving for the office every morning, the guilt is ever present. But why is it there in the first place? And why is it that our husbands don't seem to feel it?

Hoping to learn about the dads' guilt-free perspective, I did a little research on blogs and websites for dads. As it turns out, the guilt is being shared rather equitably. Stay-at-home dads feel guilt about not being the breadwinners and about taking time to themselves. Working dads feel guilty about being away from the home.

I guess guilt is par for the course. Whether it's a healthy dose or damaging to our wellbeing is up to us. How do you manage guilt?

Sites and blogs for stay-at-home dads touch on the issue of guilt

when your baby is ill

2010-05-10T11:20:00.000-07:00

Having a 3-yr-old and a 1-yr-old at our house also means that we have a continuous loop of viruses visiting us. Ear and sinus infeccions have led us to have a "saved" spot in the frigde for antibiotics, and the little steam machine has been on for so many nights that it's starting to suffer from a long, noisy death.

Now, I'll confess that during Luca's first year of life, Alain and I had a "saved" spot in the pediatrician's waiting room. I'm sure the nurses could see our number on caller ID and just forwarded the call to each other like we were telemarketers. Now that Alain and I are a little better trained, however, we often do research and discuss whether calling or visiting the pediatrician is actually needed.

Some of the resources we have leaned on during the past three years are:

Mayo Clinic: the world's first and largest integrated non-profit medical practice. They have short articles on just about any condition and they not only list the causes and complications, but also describe potential treatments.

What to Expect the First Year: This book and the Toddler Years version are a great resource. If you liked What to Expect When You Are Expecting, you will likely find this a helpful resource. I bet there are many moms out there who have a copy and can lend you one or just give it to you.

Parent Resource Websites: I find parents.com and babycenter.com to be very helpful, but there are hundreds out there. Just make sure it's a trustworthy resource.

Other Moms: I also found other moms to be a great source of information. I am lucky to have a sister-in-law who is a pediatric nutritionist and another who is a physician, but moms who are not in the medical field have been very helpful. They have pointed me to good doctors, provided good information resources, and shared their experiences.

I hope these are helpful to you! Do you have any that you would like to share?

happy mother's day

2010-05-09T05:00:00.000-07:00

Portrait by Tande, Di Lanattas photography.

The day the child was born so was the mother...

Prior to having my sons, I remember thinking that parents just knew how to be parents. Boy was I in for a surprise! When we came home from the hospital with Luca just a little 6 lb 9 oz bundle, Alain and I looked at each other thinking "They are going to let us take him home?"

Many sleepless nights, worried calls to the pediatrician, reading marathons of What to Expect the First Year, and countless discussions about what to do about each phase in our children's lives, I realize how much more I have yet to learn.

Thank you to all the moms who have supported me, shared lessons learned and just listened. Most importantly, thank you to my mom - she is the best mom I could ever hope for.

on motherhood and happiness

2010-05-08T05:00:00.000-07:00

I was driving to work this week and listening to KPBS when they announced that they will be hosting a scientist who will be talking about happiness and motherhood. Apparently, all else being equal, research shows that mothers are less happy than their childless counterparts. We are 7% less happy to be exact.

Since I will be at work when the show airs, I decided to look it up online and came across this recent article by Dr. Christine L. Carter. Please follow the link to read it, as it is very informative. Here's the breakdown:

It's not really motherhood that's making us less happy, but rather it's being so busy! Studies show that, when research participants follow instructions to go about their daily lives accomplishing all the tasks they have on their plate, but eliminating any and all opportunities to relax and feel a little joy, they develop symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder in as little as 48 hours!

Yes, very informative, but how is this helpful? Well, Dr. Carter would like to start a revolution and I really like her ideas. Following her advice can lead to a more fulfilling and happier state, but are you ready? It's easier to complain about how busy we are than to change the way we do things.

Here are her three tips:

1. Identify the moments that make you happy during the day and treat them as you would a doctor's appointment. Schedule them into your day and respect them.
2. Identify the things that make you too busy and work to change them.
3. Talk it over with your friends, coworkers and family. Let them know what you will NOT be doing and why.You will likely inspire them.

I guess this is tackled in baby steps. We are busy because of circumstance and because of preference so it's not easy task for us to change. Here's baby step one for the month of May for me:

1. I really enjoy a cup of tea before bed time but I never really have one. I'll work to make this happen a few times a week. It really relaxes me and I sleep better.
2. I have this obsession with putting things away. I pick up toys continuously throughout the day. I'm thinking that if I commit to letting go and letting be, then I can delegate this task to Alain. Of course, I cannot expect him to do this like I would (seriously, it's not normal). I'll work to accept that my house is allowed to look like a 1-yr-old and a 3-yr-old live in it and let Alain pick up the toys just once a day before bed time. Wish me luck on this!
3. I'll definitely talk this over with Alain. Maybe there is something else he'd rather take on, but I'm thinking he'll be on board with my experiment.

Once I get these three conquered and incorporated into my life, I'll find another three to add. Join me in being a little less busy and a little more happy! What are your three commitments?

a little tlc for your relationship: spending time together

2010-05-03T12:40:00.000-07:00

Being the parent of two small children can pose a challenge on the romance department. Usually the boys wake us up at 6:00 and the rush starts to get off to school and work. When we arrive home, they are ready for an outing to the park, dinner, bath and bed. Alain and I get to spend a lot of time together with the children, but the connection we make is more about the children and about communicating essentials such as “did you remember to call AT&T about the outrageous bill?”

By the time things settle down and we have some quiet time, we lay in a comma on the couch watching a little TV and unwinding. Last week over coffee with my girlfriends, I got a couple of tips on how to squeeze in some quality time to keep the relationship healthy:

- Schedule it: it may not sound exciting and spontaneous, but it is necessary or it never happens. One new mom shared how she sets aside dinner time as adult time every so often and she lets her husband know in advance so he does not plan to fix a bike or catch up on emails. It allows them to sit down and have a grown up conversation while their baby sleeps.

- Be flexible: another friend who has two toddlers says the best time for her and her husband is lunch time while one of the children is away at school and the other takes a nap. They take a break together to eat, chat and just be a couple. The time at which this happens depends on how the day is going, but they make it a priority and it works for them.

- Get back-up: even if it’s just once a month, having a trusted person to care for your children while you and your partner go off on a date can make a world of difference. “It’s such a treat that we feel like teenagers again” said one mom. It’s also nice to change the scenery and be outside of the house doing something you both love to do.

- Burn the midnight oil: although we are very tired by the end of the day, Alain and I sometimes stay up just to spend time with each other. Sure, we could benefit from getting some much needed sleep, but those precious moments when we get to talk without interruption, or give each other a foot rub, really help to keep us healthy as a couple.

Whatever the method for squeezing in some time for you as a couple, making it a priority is a must. Any tips you want to share?

learning more about me

2010-04-27T14:06:00.001-07:00

I sometimes struggle with the question "who am I?"

The struggle usually starts mid conversation with a semi stranger. For example, I was at the gym last week talking with a gentleman who is going on a cool mountain bike trip. Very interested, I start asking questions about the path, the bike, the climb. But then, I get stuck. Do I share some of my experiences, preferences, ideas? But then what if he asks: "Oh, when did you ride that trail?" or "Have you been there recently?" I'd have to be honest and say it's been well over 3 years since I've riden my mountain bike, since I got pregnant with Luca.

Motherhood has added many joys and new activities to my days, and there have also been some changes. Amongst the casualties are mountain biking. Can I still call myself a mountain biker if I haven't ridden in so long? I guess not, but I can call myself many things that I am proud about. Maybe I'll take up mountain biking when Luca and Andre are a bit older and can ride along. In the mean time, I'll keep finding out who I am. It's the learning journey of life.

a week i'd rather forget

2010-04-24T06:00:00.000-07:00

Andre "helping" mommy to mop the floors.

I must confess this week has been trying. I would normally share this with my husband or my girl friends but I haven't been able to so please bare with me and lend an ear (or should I say your eyes) to me for a second.

On Monday morning, Alain took off work to take Andre to the doctor. The outcome? Double ear infection and mild bronquiolitis. While I took off work to go to the pharmacy to pick up the prescription, Andre, now back at home, decided to try to climb up the stairs. My poor nanny rushed to rescue him from a potential fall and tripped and fell! She and I spent an evening out together at the hospital. The outcome? Broken wrist, bruished nose, sore knees and back.

So since Monday, Alain and I have been juggling work and the kids. The nanny returned to work later in the week, but we asked her to "supervise" the kids only. No cleaning, no laundry, no carrying the kids. The outcome of this week for Alain and I? Working from home, no night-out with the girls or guys, no date, no exercise, doing laundry, cleaning...

OK. That's all. I just needed to share a little.We got through the week fine, and I envision things will get easier as the nanny's wrist heals. Any stories you would like to share?

Oh, quick tip for mopping the floors: I changed Andre into his pajamas and let him follow me around. He slipped a little while crawling and laughed the entire time!

me, myself and i

2010-04-23T09:22:00.000-07:00

One place where I CAN easily shop with both boys: Costco. They have a double seater cart!

I think that one of the most challenging things about becoming a mom has been to find time for myself and the things I need to do.

When I first had Luca I thought "What have I done? I'll never be able to get anything done ever again!!" Granted, I was sleep deprived and experiencing hormonal ups and downs so it was rather melodramatic. As I've embraced motherhood and its joys, I've also faced the challenge of finding new ways to do life in general.

Slowly, I've carved out little breaks for myself here and there and I cherish them wholeheartedly. They key for me has been less spontaneity and a little more structure:

-To-dos: I use my lunch break every Wednesday to do something that is too difficult if I'm accompanied by Luca and Andre. The list is long but some examples are a pedicure, a trip to Target, sushi with a friend, errands of any kind.

- Exercise: once a 5-day-a-week gym goer, now I'm happy when I squeeze in a 45-minute GRAVITY class at lunch on Thursdays, and a 1-hour spinning class on Saturday mornings.

- Friends: every Thursday evening I meet up with a group of girl friends. It's like a breath of fresh air!

- Relationship: this one's been a lot tougher lately since we've had trouble finding someone to care for Luca and Andre. In theory, we like to have a date night once a week. In reality, it's been more like once a month... I'll keep working on finding something that works and report later on. Any ideas?

Now that I've been a working mom for 3 years and have accepted the fact that being tired is not an acceptable excuse for missing out on something, I actually enjoy myself a lot more. No matter how tired, I drag myself to the gym, to coffee with the girls, to the store for supplies. Afterwards, I still feel physically tired but mind and spirit are on a high.

walk a mile in her shoes - part 2

2010-04-21T11:41:00.000-07:00

I wrote an entry a couple of weeks ago about spending a day as a stay-at-home mom. Our nanny was out sick yesterday so I got a chance to try out the stay-at-home mom shoes but this time it was sans nanny. The morning went as usual, except that I didn’t feel the pressure to get ready and leave the house on time. After Luca went off to preschool with Alain, I had a chance to spend a little time with Andre before his nap, and then got all housework and email done.

After Andre’s nap, off we went to the supermarket, lunch with Alain, a quick stop at Sea World and finally to pick up Luca at preschool. We spent the afternoon playing and got dinner ready for when Alain came home. My mommy duties went on and on until the boys went to bed. And then, as you know from yesterday’s post, I had some things to do.

By the time I got some time to myself, I was so exhausted that I dropped my big plans for a self-manicure and just laid on the couch next to Alain while he studied. I was tired and craving adult conversation, but I felt really lucky to have spent the day with my children. I’m looking forward to going to the office today, but this day stirs up a question I’ve pondered before: what if I worked fewer days a week?

daddy time

2010-04-17T06:37:00.000-07:00

Photography by Tande, Di-lanatta's Photography

Often, when Alain and I are doing an activity with Luca and Andre during the day, I look around and realize that he is the only dad among a sea of moms. It happens at Gymboree classes, at the weekly library reading for children, at preschool events, at the pediatrician…

The fact that he’s a lone dad does not seem to cross his mind. He’s just happy doing the dad thing, enjoying the moment. But it makes a big impact on me. I think about how lucky I am to have such an involved partner in rearing our children and I also think about what his presence is teaching our sons. I hope they will grow up to be as great as their dad is.

For those moms out there who wish a little more involvement from the male side of the parent set, I have heard that these two tips are of most value:

Be appreciative - when he does something with or for the children, recognize it and thank him for it. This is not a time to dwell on how it is about time he helped, but rather appreciate the moment.

Don’t butt in- this one might be hard to do but, if you see him changing a diaper don’t rush in there to tell him about how he’s doing it wrong. Just let him do it. He’ll eventually get the hang of it just like you did. If there’s a leak later, don’t point it out. It’s a small price to pay for the help yet to come.

My friend Sarah relates the story about a day when she was tired and complaining about having to give her newborn a bath when she had so many other things to do. Her husband saw her distress and offered support with the bathing. A few minutes later she peeked in to see how things were going: he was “bathing” her with wipes! Sarah bit her tongue and let him do it, then thanked him profusely. He now bathes both of their children in the morning whenever she asks, no wipes involved.

can a working mom have it all?

2010-04-15T09:55:00.000-07:00

Luca on a visit to my office.

When I was still in graduate school doing an internship, the Director of the department where I was working was an admirable woman. She was recognized for being capable, skilled, and on top of things. She was also known for having moved up the ladder rather quickly and efficiently.

I sat down with her one day to discuss the projects I was heading under her supervision and I asked her point blank what had she done to be so successful. After all, I looked up to her and she was a good role model. Her answer stunned me: “Well, as soon as my children left the house to go to college I became a widow so I dedicated myself to work.” At the time, the young and unmarried version of myself was just impressed with her ability to turn something negative into something positive. But today I often think about her and wonder… can we moms be simultaneously outstanding in our roles as professionals, mothers and wives?

As a self-labeled feminist my unwavering answer is “yes!,” yet I struggle with this sometimes. For example, next Tuesday my company’s CEO is hosting an important evening event. A flexible and kind man, my boss will understand if I don’t attend because that’s one of the family weeknights that Alain and I cherish with the boys. We usually get home, have dinner, and then head off to the park, Sea World, the movies. Yes, he’ll understand if I don’t attend. But, at the same time, my absence is not what is best for our company. I know that for sure. I know, I know, I will then rethink this and realize that spending the night with the family actually increases my overall life satisfaction which then translates into higher performance at work… but I still feel like I should go!

It’s a day to day question. Where do I give or take? Do I show up late to work so I can attend the pre-school Mardi Gras parade? How will Luca feel when his mom is not there with the other moms to watch him parade around with the mask that he made in class? How will my company be impacted if I go to the parade and do not join the call that our team will have with our client?

I guess this brings me to the definition of success. Like my kind boss, who I mentioned earlier, says to thousands of young people every year, “It is not about perfection. It's about excellence. About doing your best.” Now THAT I am doing.

potty woes

2010-04-13T10:15:00.000-07:00

Last summer we embarked Luca on the potty training journey. He seemed ready by all means. He warned us when he was about to go in his diaper. He kept his diaper dry for long periods of time. He expressed discomfort when his diaper was wet.

I found a cute frog-face potty to make the process fun for Luca, stacked up on Blue's Clues stickers that could be used as rewards, and read the section on "potty learning" in my What to Expect the Toddler Years To our surprise, Luca is still having several "accidents" a day. Although he was physically ready to be potty trained, his psychological readiness is another story.

Eight months after we started potty training, it seems like we are making little progress. He does not warn us when he needs to go potty, refuses to go when we take him, and tends to have "accidents" when we are tending to Andre. The funny thing is, that he learned to use the potty very quickly. As soon as the novelty wore off, however, so did his willingness to use it.

This week, we've decided to try yet another approach (we've tried several already): continue the rewards and accolades, let him "stew" a little so he feels the discomfort of soggy pants, and discontinue any type of attention when an "accident" happens. In other words, treat accidents as matter of factly as we can. It dawned on us that the immediate response and the caring scolding Luca has been getting when he has an accident might be perceived as rewarding to him. I'll report later on the effect of this method.

In the mean time, I keep consoling myself with the thought that this is just a phase and that we are learning valuable lessons for when Andre is "ready" to potty learn.

Do any of you moms have tips for me?

sleeping tales: on becoming a big boy

2010-04-11T06:30:00.000-07:00

Photography by Tande, Di-Lanatta's Photography

Luca just turned 3 and he is proud of his “big boy” status, but I am feeling a little nostalgic. As I made his bed this morning I stopped and sat down on the mattress thinking about his journey through the world of Z’s.

One of the best presents I received for my baby shower was a small co-sleeper which fit between Alain and I right on our mattress. A tiny 6 lb 12 oz bundle, Luca slept in it for 4 weeks. I could hear him breathing in his sleep. I swaddled him when he kicked off the blanket. I nursed him as soon as he started to rustle. He soon moved to his convertible crib in his own bedroom and I missed him so much!

It took some time for him to sleep through the night. While we had decided to apply the Ferber method, our application was rather poor. We could just not hear him cry without feeling absolutely guilty and horrible. Eventually we got the courage to let him cry a bit and we were surprised to see how quickly he got the point!

The next step was to convert his crib to a toddler bed. He was happy to have the independence to get in and out of the crib as he pleased, but it quickly turned into a challenge when he started to leave his crib and climb onto our bed during the night. While it was nice to have him close to us, and to have him sleep much later, we wanted to reclaim our bed as our territory! As before, we eventually got the courage to banish him from our bed and I remember taking him back to his crib 8 times one night. Again, he got the point quickly.

A few months before Andre arrived, we moved Luca to a twin bed. I installed temporary railings to avoid mid-night spills and he was excited to have a new bed. By the time Andre arrived and started sleeping in the crib, Luca did not mind the takeover.

Now even the railings are gone. Luca’s bed is a big boy bed and I can’t help but imagine when he is a teenager and would rather die than sleep with his parents! He is growing up so fast… maybe we should have been less adamant about the whole thing. Maybe we should have let him sleep with us a little longer.

walk a mile in her shoes

2010-04-01T13:39:00.000-07:00

I had the day off yesterday so I decided to try on the life some of my full-time mommy friends. I left Andre at home with the nanny and I dropped off Luca at preschool. What is a mom to do? Cleaners, Target, supermarket, paint store, car wash… I did what I always do, but with more time on my hands and without the boys in tow. Easier, but not very glamorous. Hmmm…. Is this really what I sometimes wish for? The afternoon was nicer. I had sushi with my friend Ana and then we went for a mani pedi. Now that’s a treat!

It was a fun experiment. I definitely enjoyed my little adventure. Maybe next month I’ll try on the life of my full-time mommy friends who do not have a nanny. I have the feeling my nails will not look nearly as good at the end of the day!

greetings

2010-04-01T12:55:00.001-07:00

As many of you, when I had my first son three years ago, I found myself redefining who I am and reworking how I do things in life. This blog tracks my learning journey as a mom of two and a full-time professional.