Tuesday, September 28, 2010

what will my children think of me?

I was watching "Our Family Wedding" last night (cute and funny enough for a night in with your hubby) and one of its scenes shows the mom accidentally overhearing her two daughters talking about her. They are saying they don't want to be like their mom, spending their whole day at home taking care of kids, living their life to serve others, and getting limited romantic attention from her husband.

The daughters' conversation comes from their desire to stay independent and live a fulfilling life. Their mom is hurt when she overhears this, not because she is offended by her daughter's words, but because the words ring true.

What she does next is admirable, even if it's just a romantic movie. Instead of confronting her daughters and acting out defensively, she goes home and talks to her husband. She wants some of the romance back and she's ready to do something about it. At first he's surprised, but then he supports the shift.

Taking care of ourselves as mothers and wives is not selfish. It is about setting an example for our children. I do not have daughters, so I don't wonder if they'll one day want to avoid being like me. But I do have sons and I do wonder if they'll one day say "I don't to marry anyone like mom!" There is a life beyond motherhood that can be hard to grasp when we are tired and overextended, but it is worth the extra effort. After all, what happens after our beautiful birds leave the nest?

How do you take care of yourself?


  1. I have not yet seen this movie, but sounds interesting. At the same time, and as true as those words may be, I can't ever imagine saying them out loud. I recognize all the sacrifices my parents have made for me and I'm eternally grateful to them for it... They're not perfect and have their flaws and drive me up a wall, but I'm lucky to have them.

    Beautiful post in any event :)

  2. I'm not going to lie - I often look at my mom and think, wow, she dedicated her whole life to raising us kids and now what? Now she is forlorn and seems really unhappy. I hate seeing her like that! I don't want to be like that!

    Great post - I am definitely going to check out this movie (or TV show?).

  3. My husband says that that I am turning into my mom and catches me saying things and doing things just like her. It actually makes me laugh and smile and I am happy to be like my mom. Hopefully my kids will think the same way about me someday:)

  4. I feel like I would be lucky to be like my mom at her age, so my concern is more about making sure I make it there!

  5. It's so hard to find the balance, isn't it!!! Bubble baths help.

    Thanks for visiting during my SITS Day!

  6. Great question Licia. In the thick of it right now, ofcourse I think...wow my kids will really appreciate me someday. But, the truth is if I'm not happy...they won't want to be like me. It's easy to forget ourselves but we shouldn't. I try to remind myself of this daily. Besides, if I'm devoting myself to them 24/7 with a frown on my face...all they will remember is the frown. Our happiness is essential to raising a happy family too :)

  7. I keep getting these reminders of how important it is to take care of myself. Not only because it is good for me, but because of the example it sets for my daughter. Good message. Thanks for sharing.

  8. Nice post - I haven't seen the movie either but I do remember saying that I didn't want to stay home with kids like my mom did. Hmm...I did change my mind and was a SAHM (for 14 years) and now just starting to work. I think it is balance and whatever works for you. I am glad I was home and I am really enjoying the work I am doing.