Wednesday, January 19, 2011

the third shift


I was thinking about my post on the second shift, which refers to the childcare and housechore responsibilities that working moms hold, and started to think about where parenting and marriage fit.

After all, even if I pulled a 40-hour shift at the office, my house is spotless and my children are perfectly groomed and fed, I still have parenting to do and a relationship to keep alive. In the midst of all that work, we pause to read a book, talk out a learning point, monitor and model social behavior, share a laugh and just spend quality time with our children. Yes, some things can be done simultaneously, but it really is tough to get in a nice cuddle when I'm wiping grime off the doors or brushing the downstairs toilet!

Children are at a key point in their lives. If we miss those moments, they are gone forever. It's easy to focus on them and leave the relationship for later. Later sometimes is literally too late, as in I haven't slept in ages and I'm not really up for chatting right now. Maybe just hold hands while we mindlessly watch TV? Funny how it all seems to work itself out anyway. A date night here and there, a miraculous synchronized nap by both kids that leaves an unexpected window of time to have a quiet lunch with adult conversation.

How do you keep your relationship healthy?

7 comments:

  1. This something that I have been trying to deal with. My husband and I both work 50 + hours a week and we work opposite schedules. We don't really get time without baby girl because we don't have a babysitter (all our family lives out of town). We need to get some alone time so that we can reconnect.

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  2. Chanel, I understand the struggle. Perhaps a trusted friend who can do babysitting for a couple of hours a month might help. My local YMCA has Parent Night baysitting for a very reasonable fee and they take children once they hit walking age. Good luck!

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  3. It is really hard. Isn't it? I feel like I am only mediocre at every single thing. My job. My parenting. My marriage. Just mediocre. It makes me sad.

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  4. You are probably feeling mediocre because you expect perfection? The way I look at it, perfection is not possible. As long as you are doing your best, you are not mediocre, you are doing excellent.

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  5. I agree!! Perfection does not exist. If we compare ourselves to a made-up standard that is not possible anyway, then we are bound to feel mediocre. When it comes down to it, if you are trying hard, even if you are making mistakes, you are doing good :-)

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  6. This is so important! My husband and I had started doing a cooking night together, we put the kids to bed early and then cooked something fun together and after watched a movie while we ate. We haven't done this in awhile though, this is a great reminder to me to set this up again.

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  7. Oh, the cOoking night is such a good idea! It doesnt require bbsitter, a pricey meal or dressing up, but it sounds like some very nice couple time :)

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